I have been so absent from blogland partly because the weather is too nice to be in front of the computer, partly because my days have been busier than usually, and partly because I had much I wanted to say, but it was still jumbled in my head.
I think it has become clearer now and I want to write about it and get your perspective.
Remember how last week, I made a decision to just go with the flow of my creative life? Well, no sooner did I do this when all the "old friends" reared their lovely heads. I thought they were gone, but it turns out, they were just having a little snooze.
Let me introduce you to some and ask if you know them as well. And how do you deal with them?
1. Guilt - as in:"How can I spend my days having such fun at what I do while others are experiencing hardships and are working so hard?"
2. Self-Doubt - as in:"Am I really good at any of this? Do I really deserve this? Am I kidding myself?"
3. Fear (I think I was born a fraidy cat) - as in: "What if I fail at this? What if I disappoint those I love?"
4. The People Pleaser - as in: "What if my friends and family disapprove? What if I don't live the way they want me to?"
5. The Poor Me - as in: "Nobody likes me, everybody hates me, I think I'll go eat worms!"
Now, I did have a helping factor in this pity party I was having last Thursday. Girls, if I say HORMONES, I think you'll know exactly what I'm talking about! Darn them!!
And by Friday I was feeling much better and told those "old friends" that I understand if they stick around, but that I was going to move ahead with the creative life that is unfolding in front of me.
There will always be self-doubt, guilt, fear and all the others, but I used to let them paralyze me and that is not happening anymore. Now I call them "old friends" because they actually help propel me forward.
If anything, I now feel more secure in my decision to live creatively and to share the joy I am experiencing with everyone else.
Incidentally, on the evening of my pity party, I was putting together my artist resume and saw that my art has found homes in 15 US states and in 7 different countries! Then I realized that the same goes for my knitting - I've sold over a hundred scarves and other creations in past years to people all over the world. Take that, Self-Doubt and Poor Me!
As to you all, thank you so much for witnessing this journey I am on and for supporting me every step of the way. What an awesome community we have here!