Inspiration

Inspiration from the garden this morning. 

Most of the times I hear someone give a speech, I think to myself: "That was interesting," and then go about my life again. But every once in a while I hear a speaker who truly inspires me and causes great shifts in my perception of everything.

That happened last night while hearing Karen Kunc (click here for her beautiful website), a renowned woodcut print artist, giving a lecture. I can't quite articulate everything yet as my thoughts are still churning. Once they settle down, I can look at how my inner landscape has changed and share some of that with you.

What I can say is that it was a joy hearing someone present her art, whose life seems to be completely integrated. She seems to be using her art to relate to the world around her, to communicate her thoughts and passions and to share her unique interpretation. She has found the gift only she can bring to the world and somehow shares it without pretense or holding back. Her art is abstract and again it isn't. As you can see, I really can't quite sort out my thinking about this yet.

What I do know is that I want to be an artist like that - where there is no difference between my life and my art, where one feeds the other seamlessly. Well, as you can see I am super eager to share my thoughts with you, my creative family, but I am still lacking the words. I do have a feeling though that many of you can relate...

Until my thoughts settle down, I am enjoying these beautiful fall days we are having right now. I hope you are, too!!

Playing in my Studio...

For the first time in weeks, I painted in my studio today. I realized that this was the first prolonged break from painting where I didn't worry I would not remember how to make art.

I am learning that these breaks are necessary to keep the creativity flowing in all aspects of my life. It's becoming like breathing in and out for me, all part of one breath - absorbing the beauty around me for a while and then expressing it in my life with renewed energy.

Our recent camping trip certainly allowed me to absorb all the creativity around me to the fullest. To me there is nothing more creative than Mother Nature!

And now I foresee several fun weeks of painting, drawing, cooking, knitting, crocheting and whatever else I feel inspired to do before needing time to be still and absorb again.

Breathing in ... breathing out ... 

Blossoming Changes

As spring is exploding here and everything is starting to blossom, I am feeling some changes budding in myself. It always seems to happen after very busy times. And often in the spring - after hibernating through the winter.

At first I only have a vague sense of something shifting and something new emerging. Ideas and suggestions by others (often Daniel) have taken root and are starting to emerge. And then, suddenly there is more clarity. Does that happen to you? 

This morning I woke up and decided to take a very beginning drawing class at SCAD, an idea Daniel and even my dad and sister had mentioned to me a while ago. Back then I wasn't ready. Now I am. I'll sign up on Monday and if I get in will start on the 28th. I'll keep you updated.

I also decided that I want to pay more attention to myself, including my appearance. That may sound shallow, but it isn't. I feel like I have really developed creatively and suddenly it seems that my outside doesn't match the inside anymore. I've become much more playful in my inner life and somehow my outer self hasn't caught up.

I tend to not put much thought into what I wear and how I wear things. I find some things that are comfortable and I wear those. I have many things in my closet I never wear anymore because they take a little effort to put together with the right kinds of accessories. I tend to wear the same earrings, the same necklaces, the same scarves. So....I want to take my closet and look at it with artist eyes and start making full use of it. Even though that means that I might actually have to iron more (not my favorite activity). I'll let you know how it goes. 

As part of that whole change (and I don't know how that fits in), I want to pay more attention to all the beautiful things that are out there, especially on blogs and Etsy. I want to spend more time delving into this creative community, being immersed in it and sharing what I find. Exactly how I am going to do this, I don't know yet.

My aunt, uncle and cousin who were visiting are all on their way and enjoying warmer climates for now (Florida and Mexico). The visit with them was great fun and we enjoyed every minute of it!

On the bird front, the bluebirds have started flying into the bird house with nesting materials (I'll have to put out a few of my yarn scraps for them to use). How exciting!! This morning I saw the cowbirds sticking very close to them, though, and I hope they won't lay an egg into the bluebird nest. I did read that the bluebird house openings are usually too small for the cowbirds and I hope that's true.

Wishing you a most wonderful weekend! I'm looking forward to catching up with some of your blogs today and tomorrow!!

Ten minutes on the stoop

Well, we decided to put off our Charleston trip because we just have too much going on here at home... Some day we'll get there again. 

So, this morning I took the camera and sat on the front steps for 10 minutes and just snapped photos of what caught my eye, starting with very happy and toasty feet in my felted slippers. 

While I sat there, I was thinking about how my creativity seems to go in waves (which is not a new observation - I think I've even blogged about it). I seem to be very focused for a while and then I get inspired and want to go into more and different directions.

I start doing that and then there's the fine line between being totally inspired and completely overwhelmed. When I get to the overwhelmed part, it's not long before I start to focus again on one or two things. Expansion and contraction - again and again. I find it somewhat frustrating as I am always yearning for continuity.

But then I got this image of us breathing - we breathe in and everything expands, and then we breathe out and everything contracts. It's all part of the same breath, isn't it?

I just need to change my point of view, my focus. Sometimes I want to focus on all the possibilities and then again I want to look at just one thing in more detail.

Maybe if you don't focus with a wide angle, you miss out on what's possible and what might be your next creative endeavor.

And at the same time, if you forget the close-up view, you'll miss the magic that is in the details.

I also find it interesting that when I am in one of these phases of being overwhelmed by all the possibilities, a new area of focus appears.

Maybe those times of expansion and seeming chaos are necessary for moving forward. Even though I sort of pull back again, my focus always has changed slightly and it propels me forward and often into new directions.

I remember when I started painting - that happened after about a year of not knowing what I was doing or what my new purpose was (I had just left a career and we had moved to a different part of the country). Over that year and the next, I sort of learned to lean into that feeling and that's when a new direction emerged and my life became better than it had ever been.

Back to my 10 minutes on the front porch - do you notice something with the birdhouse? It seems that the final lease has not been signed yet. Will it be the bluebirds or the chickadees?

And last but not least, I started knitting the border on my soft lacy scarf and made it into a ruffle - I somehow needed it to have a more feminine look. It came out very nicely and can now be found in my Etsy shop.

That's about all the news from here for today. Now I am going to my studio/office to spend some time with our tax returns. Oh, the fun of it...

I hope you are all having a beautiful weekend! 

Creativity

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately about how the creative life is one that is not very straightforward and steady for me. Everything seems to go in waves and a little extremely so. 

Right now all I want to do is paint and I am finishing one canvas after another. A few months ago, I couldn't get enough of knitting. Then I read five books in a row. Then I wanted to organize the whole house, but before I can put a dent into that project, I am back to painting and that's all I want to.

The same happens with my social life. Some days I feel like talking and visiting with everyone I know and then I can go for days just wanting to be in my studio and not talk to a soul aside from Daniel.

When I mentioned this to Anne (El Milagro Studio), she forwarded me a link, which ultimately led me to this post by Juliet Bruce on understanding creative people. Juliet mentions a quote by creativity scholar Mihaly Csikszentmilhalyi that reads:

“If there is one word that makes creative people different from others, it is the word complexity. Instead of being an individual, they are a multitude. Like the color white that includes all colors, they tend to bring together the entire range of human possibilities within themselves. Creativity allows for paradox, light, shadow, inconsistency, even chaos –and creative people experience both extremes with equal intensity.” 

Wow, does that ever make sense to me and explain a few things. I have to say that these days there's nothing I enjoy more than the creative process. As soon as I am finished with one painting or knitting project, I set it aside to get on with the next one. The real joy for me seems to be in the creating, not the creation itself. I notice this especially as I work and rework certain pieces. It doesn't bother me one bit to have to start over from scratch...

Hope

Acrylic painting on 12 x 24 inch wrapped canvas

In that spirit, Hope is happily finished and I am already on to the next painting, same long format. If it turns out the way I envision it, it'll be quite beautiful and different yet again.

For now I wish you great creativity in whatever you are doing!!

Follow-up...

Thank you all so much for your thoughts and input on my post yesterday! I love when we get a (sort of) dialogue going like this! And whenever I read your comments, more thoughts come into my mind and more clarity. I hope you don't mind if I share some of those.

1. I realize that these "old friends" I talked about in my post yesterday really aren't negative (which is why I call them friends). It seems that feeling guilty or insecure isn't good, but to me it's only "not good" when I linger there and don't move forward. It seems I should ignore these feelings and just get creative, but my paintings are entirely intuitive and based on my emotions. I paint what I feel and so these feelings truly propel me forward. And I am grateful to them for that!

2. A few of you said that even if I never sold a piece of art, I'd still be an artist. It made me so aware how in our society we judge our worth by whatever others are willing to pay for our services or the goods we have to offer.

The thought that I could still be an artist if nobody even liked my art had never occurred to me. Even though I paint MY inner self and not what others think I should be painting, still I have always wanted others to like my art. Why?! Ok, I know why - I'm a pleaser by nature and I want others to like me and what I do.

This is a novel thought for me. I'll have to ponder that some more...

3. I had this thought yesterday that I don't just want to live a creative life, I want to live a totally integrated life. I want to embrace all parts of my self and I want to live a life that reflects all of me. Here, I mostly share my creative journey, but there's actually a good bit more to my life and I can feel how everything is starting to come together and I cannot wait to see where it takes me.

4. (and really this is Nr. 1)You are AWESOME!! I feel such gratitude for you all, whether you leave comments or you simply come to read... I can feel how we are all connected.

Ok, enough deep thoughts for a while (at least for today). Thank you again for being you!! And for reminding me how important it is that we spread beauty and joy in this world....

Some Thoughts...

I have been so absent from blogland partly because the weather is too nice to be in front of the computer, partly because my days have been busier than usually, and partly because I had much I wanted to say, but it was still jumbled in my head.

I think it has become clearer now and I want to write about it and get your perspective.

Remember how last week, I made a decision to just go with the flow of my creative life? Well, no sooner did I do this when all the "old friends" reared their lovely heads. I thought they were gone, but it turns out, they were just having a little snooze.

Let me introduce you to some and ask if you know them as well. And how do you deal with them?

1. Guilt - as in:"How can I spend my days having such fun at what I do while others are experiencing hardships and are working so hard?"

2. Self-Doubt - as in:"Am I really good at any of this? Do I really deserve this? Am I kidding myself?"

3. Fear (I think I was born a fraidy cat) - as in: "What if I fail at this? What if I disappoint those I love?"

4. The People Pleaser - as in: "What if my friends and family disapprove? What if I don't live the way they want me to?"

5. The Poor Me - as in: "Nobody likes me, everybody hates me, I think I'll go eat worms!"

Now, I did have a helping factor in this pity party I was having last Thursday.  Girls, if I say HORMONES, I think you'll know exactly what I'm talking about! Darn them!!

And by Friday I was feeling much better and told those "old friends" that I understand if they stick around, but that I was going to move ahead with the creative life that is unfolding in front of me.

There will always be self-doubt, guilt, fear and all the others, but I used to let them paralyze me and that is not happening anymore. Now I call them "old friends" because they actually help propel me forward.

If anything, I now feel more secure in my decision to live creatively and to share the joy I am experiencing with everyone else.

Incidentally, on the evening of my pity party, I was putting together my artist resume and saw that my art has found homes in 15 US states and in 7 different countries! Then I realized that the same goes for my knitting - I've sold over a hundred scarves and other creations in past years to people all over the world. Take that, Self-Doubt and Poor Me!

As to you all, thank you so much for witnessing this journey I am on and for supporting me every step of the way. What an awesome community we have here!

"No Pressure, You Know?"

That's what dear Anne of El Milagro Studio said to me in response to my worry about not painting in this post. She had other wise things to say as well, as had all of you, but "no pressure" — those two words have been on my mind constantly since then!

I don't know about you, but I put enormous amounts of pressure on myself! And I'm not exactly sure why!

I'd like to blame it on someone else or on my upbringing, but the fact is that nobody applies pressure to me other than my own inner voice.

There are many people who have significant external pressures. I am lucky in that I don't! And I think that's part of it. It's still hard for me to enjoy my good fortune without feeling guilty, without feeling I need to work extra hard to justify the wonderful life I have right now. Do you know what I mean?

And those feelings often prevent me from moving forward, from enjoying all that free time I have, and the creative projects that are in front of me.

Does that ever happen to you? It's such a waste of time and energy! Mostly I am aware of when it's happening and will make a conscious effort to enjoy life. But after all these years of an easier life, the enjoyment of it still doesn't come naturally. Part of me has trouble believing I deserve it.

So, yesterday was one of those days. And I decided to take my wonderful friend Beth's (of Beth's Take on Life) advice to "just be as I am." I took the pressure off. No plan, no guilt, simply being.

And a funny thing happened. I spent the whole morning sewing on a project that had lain dormant for weeks, after which I suddenly - out of the blue - felt like painting again. Plus, I finished two crocheting projects AND made a delicious peach crisp ... but that's a recipe for another post!

So, the motto for today and forevermore: NO PRESSURE!