"Either Put Up or Shut Up!"

Exactly that thought came to me yesterday when I was thinking once again about my blog. Should I continue or not. And it occurred to me that I either have to put up or shut up. 

Here's the thing. I want my blog to be more personal and I have lots of things that I want to blog about. I compose blog posts in my head and then think: "No, I can't post that. My family reads my blog and they'll worry that I'm not doing well."

Last night I made a decision. I will continue blogging and I'll blog about whatever is on my mind. I am herewith assuring my family and friends that I am doing extremely well. I am living the life of my dreams and I love what I do every day. There is no cause to worry...ever! If there is, you'll be the first to know. :)

I'm a deep, deep thinker. I have always been a deep thinker. And I am always interested in personal growth and expansion. I look at myself very critically (with kinder critical eyes these days than in the past) and I take a lot of personal "stuff" apart in my mind to gain insight into what inspires and motivates me or into what holds me back.

I want to write about some of those topics swirling around in my mind: self acceptance, growth, body image, spirituality, fears, hopes, and dreams and more.

There are some big themes in my life that seem to be part of my overall life lesson. These themes circle around every so often and I want to write about them. I used to think of life going in circles because these old topics would come around again and again.

But then I realized that life moves in spirals more than in circles - because every time that old subject appears again, I have changed and I look at it now from a different perspective. That process is so fascinating to me and I want to share that with you.

Writing helps me get things clear in my mind and in my blog I get to write and show pretty pictures at the same time. How fun is that?! :)

All these painting snippets you see are part of the background/underpaintings of my latest paintings. I'm happy I have these photographs, because in the finished paintings not much of what was there before still shows.  And isn't that a metaphor for life?!

So, my blog will live on and it will go a little bit deeper into my inner life. And of course, I'll continue to share my art as well. It's a big part of my inner growth and happiness!

Stay tuned...

With love and gratitude,

❧ Silke

Blog Hop Share

The beautiful and talented Kelly Berkey, one of my good friends I met through blogging, and a very gifted portrait painter, asked me to be part of a blog hop and share a few things about myself.

1. What am I working on?

Maybe the better question would be what I am NOT work on at the moment. It seems I've had sort of a creative explosion this year and have my fingers in all kinds of projects. A few weeks ago I started painting these really colorful animal images and that seems to have taken over my painting life with no end it sight.

I also always have knitting, crocheting, sewing and other creative projects going on. Recently I started making necklaces and bracelets from ribbon yarn and beads, which has become such a relaxing thing to do. Plus they are colorful and sparkly and what could be better than that?

2. How does my work differ from others of its genre?

Much of what happens when I paint is intuitive and so just because of that it has to be different from paintings by other people. We each bring our unique personality and soul into our art. I love working with color. Color sparks happiness in me and so I use lots of it. I also like my work to be playful and not too realistic. Plus, I want my paintings to have a direct connection to the viewer. You'll find that most of my subjects will look directly back at you. I like that!

3. Why do I create what I do?

I'm very interested in intuitive painting and layering. And I love concrete subjects in my paintings. It used to be women's portraits, but now it has changed to animal portraits and for the first time since I started painting five years ago, it feels as though I have found my path in the arts. It combines all that I love - portraits I can connect with on a soul level, layering that allows my spirit to play and bright colors that just make me happy.

The other aspect I really enjoy about the way I work is that it's not predictable in the least. I allow my paint to drip and expand, I wipe part of it off, reapply it and I allow color to run all over the canvas. I spent much of my life in very predictable patterns and grew up in a culture that was nothing but predictable and this method of working allows my spirit to expand and grow and feel free.

4. How does my writing process work? 

My actually blog writing happens when I sit down at the computer to write. I've often thought about the topic long beforehand and I'm always composing partial blog posts in my head. Some of them will make it onto my blog and others I only needed to work things out at the moment. But the actual writing happens while I sit at the computer. I don't draft my writing and then let it sit. I write. I spellcheck. I read it out loud to myself to see if I'm making sense. I hit "publish." I'm done. :)

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So, now I was supposed to find three artists who will continue this blog hop, but I have to confess that I didn't get my act together in time. This deadline sort of snuck up on me as I had a big week of shipping things out and getting stuff done.

And ... because I'm no longer a strict rule follower, I thought that instead I'll share a few blogs with you that I go to for various inspiration. Some of them are friends, some are big blogs where I have no personal connection, but all of them fill my creative well when I need it:

The Dreaming Palette: Paintings and Portals
Victoria's art blog combines her beautiful art with a lot of spirituality. Her photography alone takes me out of sometimes harsh reality and puts me right into that creative space where mere dreams can take on physical form. I've known Victoria for a long time through our blogs and her world is well worth visiting!

2 Bags Full
My friend Vicki's blog is my go to inspiration for knitting and travel and just simple beauty. Vicki makes gorgeous nests from yarns and ribbons (I have three of them around the house...) and has been the catalyst for many of my knitting projects. She also has the biggest heart and kindest spirit. She organizes the annual "Grow Your Blog Party," which has been so instrumental for beginning bloggers! Make sure you visit if you haven't yet.

JaneVille
Jane LaFazio's blog (recently discovered) really intrigues me with her watercolor sketches (I wish I had the patience to learn to sketch that way. Maybe some day. But more than that I love her fabric "paintings." She makes these small art quilts that just exquisite. I love the layering of fabrics, ribbons and then stitches on top. It's that layering thing again that really speaks to me...

SouleMama
I've followed this blog for a long time and I think this woman is living my alternate life. :) With five children on a small farm in Maine, always creative, self-sustaining, working hard, always a knitting project in hand and good food on the table. There's something that draws me to this rather simple yet full life. Not that I could ever imagine having children (let alone five!), but whenever I visit her blog I feel inspired to pay more attention to small things, to find a little magic in everything I see and experience and to pick up my knitting needles and get busy!

Down to Earth
Another blog that advocates the simple life. I have followed this blog for many years as well and it inspires me on many levels with recipes, simple sewing and knitting projects, articles on living more simply, connecting to the seasons, good food, etc. Whenever life seems to get too complicated and busy, that's where I go for a deep breath and grounding.

Attic24
This blog by a woman in England, is happiness to my soul. She crochets and she crochets in bright colors. Whenever I need a pick-me-up, when my spirit feels a little colorless, that's where I go for my splash of happy! She blogs about her life with photos of her surroundings and her colorful home. It is delightful in so many ways. She inspired me to crochet my first blanket and other little projects. If you need a splash of color in your life, if you love to crochet (there are lots of free tutorials) or simply want to see some beautiful photos, go visit Attic24!

As you can see, I get my inspiration from many places and in different ways. I could list many more blogs, but I'll leave you with these. You'll like them if you decide to visit.

I hope you've enjoyed this little question and answer post. Although I'm not sure if I told you anything new about myself.

Happy Weekend, everyone!!

❧ Silke

Faithful Visitors

Every day for the past many years, a pair of red-bellied woodpeckers comes to our backyard feeders. They are so used to us and our animals that we get to watch them extensively and up close.

And every year they bring their offspring to feed it. This, too, we get to watch up close and today I took some beautiful photos for you!

Thank you so much for all your thoughtful comments on my last blog post when I was wondering about continuing to blog. I've decided to keep it going for now because I still enjoy it, but more than that I find it useful for myself.

I mentioned in my last post that maybe I needed to "talk" less, but it's that talking to myself that I do here that is the most helpful to me. I really write much of this for my own benefit, to write out my thoughts, to figure things out.

This creative journey is still new to me. I am still in the experimental phase working on all kinds of things, with different media in various styles at the same time, something many artists do when they are in school. And writing about it helps me sort it out.

What gets me into trouble is when I try to figure out what might be interesting to you. Because I can't. I need to focus on what's fun and interesting and helpful to me and then if you like to visit, that's great!

Part of my blogging dilemma also stems from the fact that my relationship to my blog has changed. As with everything that takes on a life of it's own, it never stays the same and sometimes I look at it and wonder if I still like what is happening.

For now I do. I'll keep my focus on what is useful and fun for me to blog about.

And I hope you'll continue to visit when you find the time. And that you'll find my offerings interesting as well...

As I wrote this, the red-bellied woodpecker dad and the baby were at the feeder again. They are so beautiful to watch!

Linking to:

Saturday's Critters

I'd Rather be Birding

Happy first day of summer!

❧ Silke

Not sure what to do...

So, I was rereading my last blog post and almost deleted it because I think I'm repeating myself. At least to me it seems that way. I feel that way about most of the things I post anymore. Not about the photos or the art, but about my writing.

And I don't know what to do. I've kept this blog going for over five years and I have loved it. Lately though, I spend most of my time feeling bad about not visiting your blogs more often, about not blogging often enough, about not having it be interesting or varied enough.

Much of my active posting is happening on Facebook these days. Is that where I should migrate all together? Blogging isn't that much fun without visiting your blogs actively and I don't seem to find the time for that as I used to.

The free time I do have, I spend painting or knitting or making jewelry. I know I can't be the only one who wonders about keeping on with blogging. What do you all think?

Maybe I should just change the format of it for a while. "Talk" less and show more. Take photos like I used to and show those. And keep showing what I create.

Emergence
18 x 24 inch acrylic on canvas

I see some blogs with very little writing and more photos and art, who are participating in daily challenges and I wonder if I would like that in lieu of hearing myself talk all the time. It would keep everything simple as well, which might be a good thing right now.

The other side of that though is when I participate in challenges, I want to visit all the blogs who do as well, which would not really solve the time problem.

I just don't know. Truly I don't.

What do you think?

❧ Silke

A Few Observations

(All photos are from our recent trip to The Great Smoky Mountain National Park! Such a gorgeous place!!)

Well, as soon as I wrote in my last post that I paint every day, I haven't painted in three days. 

I've been thinking lately about how my life seems to progress in these big waves, bringing things into my life that seem to define me for a while and then they disappear and life goes on.

For example, Daniel and I used to play folk music. We played almost every day for quite a few years. We were even in a group and performed from time to time. Music defined us, not just playing but in terms of our friends and travels. And then one day, that part of our lives was done and I have hardly picked up an instrument since. I don't miss it, although I still love listening to the music.

That seems to be how I function. I love the experience while it lasts and then I am full onto the next thing. Without looking back. Without regret. Most of the time.

There was a time when I was a career woman. For quite a few years and I loved it (mostly). And when it was over, it was over. I've not looked back and I shake my head thinking that that had been me. It seems like a different life, a different person.

Can you see the black bear in the grass? 

Now I have discovered my own creativity and that feels completely different. I've been painting and discovering my creative side in depth for the last five years and I wonder what took me so long. How did I function without it? It's become so essential to who I am these days.

Strangely, the way this happened for me was by moving to Savannah. While Savannah is beautiful and I love being near the ocean, I don't feel connected to this place like I have to other cities and states we have lived in (New Mexico, for example or California). Our house is home to me, the town is not.

Because of that, I have spent more time at home than ever before. I had stopped working by the time we moved from Albuquerque and suddenly found myself being a "housewife," not a title I really liked (mostly because it's not my passion and I'm not that good at it). I found myself without a clear definition of who I was and never knew how to answer that recurring question: "So, and what do YOU do?"

I had to learn to just be with me and to be ok with not knowing where this would take me. And in that space of not knowing, that's where I felt the first creative stirrings, remembering that I used to love to knit when I was a teen and maybe I could take it up again.

From there I discovered the phenomenon of blogging and the amazing online community it created. I saw some blogs of people doing collages and started thinking that maybe I could do that as well. And when I started making art, I wanted to blog about it publicly and share my creative journey with my new online community. That actually surprised me as I have always been a very private person.

Suffice it to say my life was never the same. I notice it especially this year as I am really giving myself permission to be me and have stopped worrying so much about what others might think.

It's a powerful experience and quite unfamiliar to me and scary at times. To put my art and creations out there for everyone to see, even those I know might judge it insufficient. I'm observing myself not caring about their opinions so much and I am astounded.

Many years ago I saw a vedic astrologer (I was in my mid-20s). He told me back then that my most wonderful years would begin in my 40s. He spoke of art and writing and beauty and ease and travel in my life at a time when I believed I didn't have a creative bone in my body. I was convinced he was wrong. And now I am living it.

This is happening rather late in my life as I am approaching my 50s, but I don't think I could have been ready for this any earlier. My life, especially my inner life, has evolved in a rather circuitous route and that's ok. Do I sometimes wish I could have found all this sooner? Sure! But I guess in a way the timing of it happening now is perfect. Maybe exactly because I am in my mid-life (assuming I live to a ripe old age...).

It makes me look forward to what else there might be in store for me and for you all! I love reading about your accomplishments, your realizations, your triumphs.

I firmly believe that each of us have something very unique to contribute to the world whatever that may be. Some of us know what it is from an early age and the rest of us figure it out as we go along.

As George Eliot said so eloquently: "It is never too late to be what you might have been."

With all my love!

❧ Silke

Epiphany

Dear friends, I had one of those light-bulb moments over the weekend.

Because I have so much fun painting, making things, blogging and connecting with you all, it felt like it should be a hobby (you know, if it's work it can't be fun...). Which to me it meant that I should only spend time with this when everything else is done.

And then it occurred to me over the weekend that this creative stuff - that's what I do! And that's what I need to (want to) spend the majority of time on. It's like being a passionate landscaper and only allowing yourself to work when it rains or in the dark. It sounds so obvious when I write it down, but it wasn't to me.

Another part of the equation is that I easily feel guilty when I spend "too much" time on the computer, just because we hear all the time about the pitfalls of begin online too much. Frankly, I love what I learn online, connecting with you, being inspired. So often, computer time is considered wasted time, but then I remembered that when I had an office job, I often had to spend eight or ten hours a day on the computer and that was considered just fine.

Ablaze
5 x 7 inch acrylic painting

Available in my Etsy Shop here.

People, this is a paradigm shift for me - actually spending my time each day doing what I love because that's who I am and that's what I do!

This morning, I spent three hours on the computer, listing several items on eBay and on Etsy, being on Facebook and in the blog world (oh, the inspiration I get from what you all post!!), writing some e-mails and now doing this blog post. All the while my inner voice was repeating the list of the things I "should really be" doing. But I just kept on telling it that I was doing exactly what I need to be doing and that I'll get to the other stuff as well.

Being able to be online is such an incredible gift to an introverted and empathic person like myself. I can feel completely connected to the outside world. I am connected with my family and old and new friends from all over the world, I am inspired daily by what you share about your lives, our house is filled with some of your artwork, I am right now wearing jewelry made by a blogging friend, I'm cooking your recipes, I'm reading your book recommendations, and so on and so on.

I Can See You
5 x 7 inch acrylic painting

Available in my Etsy Shop here.

Being online has enriched my life beyond measure and it has become part of me and actually necessary for my creative process and getting my creations out into the world.

My work is done in my studio and online. It is pure fun for me and I am done, done, done feeling guilty about it!

With much love and gratitude for you, my virtual community,

❧ Silke