The Joy Diet - Chapter 6 - Treats

Well, today my copy of The Joy Diet by Martha Beck was due back at the public library and that coincided perfectly with my feeling of being finished with it, even though there are few more chapters left.
As I was reading about rewarding ourselves with treats for risks we take and just because we are who we are, I thought that I am way ahead of that. I thought that about the last chapter when I couldn't reconcile her view of taking risks with what I know works for me, and reading this chapter, I realized that I had figured this all out for myself years ago - I just look at it slightly differently.
Here are a few of the things I've learned (for myself) in the last fifteen years or so (and these are not in any particular order):

1. True happiness has to be cultivated from the inside out - it cannot be made dependent on outside circumstances.
2. How I feel is always my own decision - nobody can ever make me feel a certain way.
3. In every situation, I have a choice - not what others should or shouldn't be doing, but: how will I respond to this situation. Will respond from love or fear?
4. As soon as I make others' behavior responsible for my happiness, I'm in trouble.
   
5. Life will continue to bring what it does, but I know that if I have a bad day, it will pass. And I've experienced enough real tragedy in my life that I know I can weather any storm.
   
6. When I'm experiencing a difficult situation, I try to find just one good thought (about the situation or totally unrelated). And then another. And another. And before I know it, I'm feeling much better and often the difficult situation resolves itself.
7. Sometimes letting go and relaxing into life is as important if not more so than working hard and trying to make something happen.
   
8. Kindness is a must - toward others and myself!
9. At the end of my life nothing will matter to me except how fully I've lived, how happy I have been, and how much happiness and joy I have spread to others.
   
10. There's probably more, but that looks pretty good for now...
    

How do I know that this works for me? I've been practicing these things every day for years, really cultivating an attitude of finding the good in everything and everyone, and find that I am now living a joyful life, where my dreams continue to come true. What used to take much discipline has become a way of life and it's changed my life.

I am very aware though that not two of us are alike, and I am sure that this list of wisdom gained from life is different for each of us. As it should be! I like to be inspired in my life and I found that The Joy Diet was more motivational than inspirational, and for me that doesn't work very well. For others this might be the book that changes their lives. Isn't the variety life offers wonderful?!

So, farewell Joy Diet - I've gained some wonderful insights and am happy I participated in this discussion hosted by the lovely Jamie Ridler. Wishing you all continued joy with this book! I am off on my own joyful journey once again...

P.S. I'll have more art to show soon!!

The Joy Diet - Chapter 5 - Risk

Well, this week of "Risk" in the exploration of The Joy Diet by Martha Beck, hosted by wonderful Jamie Ridler, has been the hardest for me so far - not the actual risk-taking, but because I disagree with the concept of doing something that frightens me every day that will lead to the fulfillment of my dreams.
I don't believe in "feeling the fear and doing it anyway." I know that if I still feel fear when I am to launch into action, I either haven't don't enough inner work to calm my fears or the action is plain wrong for me.
Even when I went kayaking a few weeks ago (you can read about it here) and had to confront one of my biggest fears, by the time I was ready to start the lesson, I was ready. I may have been a little nervous, but I had faced my fears internally first and discovered how irrational they were before I started the lesson. And I KNEW that when I was done with the capsizing, I would thoroughly enjoy the rest of the lesson.
I believe in going with the flow of life and when I renamed that chapter "Opportunities," Martha Beck and I were on the same page again.
Let's face it, everything in life involves risk - even getting out of bed in the morning!
But how do I know that I am moving toward the achievements of my small and big dreams?

(All photos were taken by Daniel on a beautiful three-mile stretch along the Savannah River.)

If at the end of the day I have happily taken advantage of all the opportunities that have presented themselves, trusting that going with the flow of life MUST lead to the fulfillment of all my dreams!

Risky? You bet!

Worth it? Absolutely!

Not only that, but it's fun and surprising and will lead to places yet unexplored, joys ready to be discovered, friends waiting to be met and dreams manifesting in front of my eyes...

Seven months ago, I followed the opportunities, went with the flow of life even though it seemed to be going in a new direction altogether, and now I find myself painting, blogging and exchanging ideas with all of you. That's all the proof I need!

The Joy Diet - Chapter 4 - Creativity

And we continue on the journey through The Joy Diet, hosted by Jamie Ridler...
When I first read the heading to this chapter, I thought: "Easy! I do creative things every day. I paint, I knit, I cook..." Well, after I read the chapter, I was at a loss as to what to say about it. It's less about being creative and more about finding one creative idea every day that will help us realize our desires.
I have to admit that I didn't work with it much this last week as my week was super full and we were out of town for a few days, but now I am ready to go with chapters 4 and 5 this week. They sort of go hand-in-hand anyway.
What I found most intriguing about chapter 4 was the part where we obsess on the people or groups we dislike the most and see how we can incorporate the traits we dislike into our repertoire to reach our goals.
Now that brought up some interesting stuff for me. What I really dislike in others, for example, is judgment without compassion, loud and obnoxious behavior, constant talking. Ok, none of those are behaviors I want to start cultivating in myself, but they revealed something about me that I've been aware of, but not really as an obstacle in reaching my goals.
I realized that I am often way too concerned about what others are thinking and how others are feeling. Where I don't like a lack of compassion, I sometimes have too much and I often feel responsible for others' emotional responses, forgetting that how we feel is always our own choice.
I also tend to be overly quiet and polite (as opposed to the loud and obnoxious behavior I dislike). It's the people pleaser in me. And my overly empathic side. There is much that even those close to me don't know because it's more peaceful for me to be the person I know they will be most comfortable with. Do you know what I mean?
It's easier being the person most know and are comfortable with, but if I am to realize one of the big dreams in my life (one I will tell you about eventually as it begins to unfold), that will no longer be possible.
Starting to paint this year and writing this blog were similar steps in allowing more of my true self to shine - and not just shine but do so in a public forum. The response was more than I could have ever dreamed of.
And then there's the constant talking that I don't like in others...well, sometimes I have an opportunity to speak and really say something that I know is important and can give a different perspective, but I keep quiet.
Most of the time because what I would have to say would disagree with what the other person is proclaiming. And there's the people pleaser again and my overly empathic self not wanting to upset the apple cart.
Add to that my discomfort with conflict, learned early on in my life, and I'd rather keep the peace, even though I have much to say that is of importance and sometimes even profound.
In a way I love that there's always more territory to uncover and become familiar with. We are never done learning about ourselves, are we?
This week we get to take risks in some action steps toward fulfilling our desires.

(All photos were taken on our weekend trip to St. Augustine, FL - more to come this week)

And even though I am quite the scaredy-cat, I will try to live this week with the heart of a lion - I am a leo after all...

The Joy Diet - Chapter 3 - Desire

As many of you already know, I've been participating in The Next Chapter: The Joy Diet, hosted by the wonderful Jamie Ridler. This week's chapter dealt with a doozie - desire!
All week long I had this topic in the back of my mind, trying to figure out what to write about it and, more importantly, how to write about it. I don't like to write long epistles, and this chapter could easily inspire one! The author, Martha Beck, talks about how many of us learn to deny what we truly desire so we won't be disappointed in life, to please those around us, and to fit into society. This was certainly true for me.
In my life, I had many examples of people who were living their dreams, but even more of those who will insist on living a life that denies their desires in at least one important area of their lives. As I have watched their spirits struggle to shine through and seemingly diminish over the years, I have felt more strongly than ever to find what makes me truly happy!
I am a people pleaser by nature, and finding my own way has had its ups and downs. I am still sorting out my true desires and shedding those I have taken on that are really other people's (well-meaning) dreams for me. Do you know what I mean?
I know that me starting to paint and to blog about it was the direct result of identifying my very deep desire to live a creative life, to spread beauty, to express my true spirit and to communicate it with the world fearlessly.
I also am very aware as I look at my loved ones lives, and see how much better their lives could be if they just allowed themselves to follow their bliss, that I must not impose my desires for them on their lives. When their own desires call to them loudly enough, they will listen. And as soon as their desires are stronger than their fears, they will act on them. And I will be there to cheer them on!
In the meantime, I love tuning in to myself and expressing my true nature! And maybe, in the process, I get to be an inspiration to some in the same way so many of my family and friends (and that includes all of you) are an inspiration to me.

(All photos were taken in the marsh area around Wilmington and Tybee Islands)

As I was pondering this topic of desire, I realized that I still have many desires I can't wait to see manifest, and some that are so dear to me and so important that I keep them very close to my heart. You can be sure, though, as they unfold (and I know that they will) I will share them with you!

And now I leave you with my fervent wish that all your dearest desires come true!!

The Joy Diet - Chapter 2 - Truth

This week's chapter in The Joy Diet, hosted by Jamie Ridler, was about truth, and more specifically our own truth and the stories we tell ourselves.
I find that I often hear about "the truth" as though it is something absolute. I don't know about you, but I find truth to be highly subjective. And because of that I try to never presume I know someone else's truth.
I have trouble enough knowing what's true for me... I realized many years ago that lying to myself doesn't help me or anyone else, but still sometimes I tell myself a story and don't even know it.
Last March, for example, I was talking with an artist and professor at the school, where Daniel teaches. When he asked me if I was also an artist, I told him no, that I wasn't. At that moment I heard a very clear inner voice saying: "Stop lying to yourself." To say I was startled was an understatement - I don't usually hear voices...
The very next week I started painting and now I know that I have been an artist all along, even when when I was telling a different story.
The thing is...I didn't even know that I was telling myself a story until I was startled enough to see my truth!

Just this week when I was taking kayaking lessons, I was confronted with another story I was telling myself, namely that I don't really like being on the water that much. The truth, however, (my truth) was that I just have some irrational fears to overcome and when those were confronted, I LOVED being on the water.
So, even though I try to be truthful to myself, I still have stories I make up and that's fine.
We are all trying to do our best with the baggage we carry, the things we've learned and unlearned along the way, the relationships we are trying to form, the situations we are dealing with in our lives, and the many fears we all face every day. At some point or another, we've all been injured and many of the stories we invent have helped to protect us.

(All photos were taken when we traveled in Ireland in August of 2008)

So when I tell myself a less than truthful story, I try to remember to be kind to myself. I know that when I'm ready, I'll change that story, and as soon as the story changes, so will my life!

The Joy Diet - Chapter 1

Today will be a little bit of a different post. I decided to participate in the exploration of the book The Joy Diet by Martha Beck, hosted by Jamie Ridler on her blog The Next Chapter: The Joy Diet. We explore one chapter a week and then on Fridays blog about our experience. The book's title really spoke to me as I try very consciously to life a joyful life and to spread some of that joy to others.
This weeks topic was "Nothing," discussing the importance of doing nothing for at least 15 minutes a day. The idea is that when we quiet that chatter in our mind for just a little bit, we might be able to finally hear our souls speak to us. 15 minutes a day sounds easy, right? As someone who used to meditate frequently and still does so at times, I thought: "Piece of cake!" I couldn't have been more wrong.
I sometimes have phases where I can't seem to find my place and this week was one of those weeks. I couldn't settle down, felt restless and pulled in a million different directions. And that feeling got me even more agitated, being totally counter productive.
But then I noticed something important ... when I pick up the paint brush and paint, I enter that space of silence. For that hour or two or three, my ego takes a break and I enter into a space that is silent, colorful, intuitive, inspiring and incredibly energizing.
I dip into my center where everything is calm and inspiration while a painting is taking shape on the outside. I've said this many times since I started painting, but it is a most mysterious process that I cannot (and don't want to) analyze with my rational mind.
Some people feel that stillness when they sit and enter into silence, others feel it when in nature, when running, petting their cat, looking at a perfect flower, working in their garden, seeing a sunset, or entering into the creative spirit! To me the ways to connect with that deeper part of us are endless, what 's important is that we each find the way that works for us!

How do you get into the space where all is still, where inspiration speaks to you?

(All photos were taken at the Okefenokee Swamp in Georgia where Daniel and I canoed with the alligators in March of 2008)