...this morning (and obviously playing with photo booth) about something that's been on my mind for a while, and something I have often talked with Daniel about.
Something that's very ingrained in me, but that I have no use for anymore!
The feeling of being undeserving, of needing to blend in, needing to dim my own light, to apologize for who I am, to please others so that they'll approve. They all sound like separate things, but they are all very connected for me.
I watch others who are so comfortable in their skin, who welcome their talents and special gifts, who live who they are without any fear of being judged - and I think: "Me, too! I want to be like that!"
And yesterday I made the decision.
No more playing small, no more hiding in the background, no more worrying so much about what others think, no more guilt as my constant companion, no more fear as my daily nourishment!
I am DONE with that!
Being in class yesterday, I realized that I am a GOOD artist! I don't just draw or paint and try to do it perfectly (NOT interested in that), but I paint what I feel, I paint to express my inner self.
And the fact that I can do that, that I can see what I feel in the faces I paint is pretty darn amazing!
It's not just the art though -- I need to make my thoughts about myself as kind as my thoughts are about others.
I am a kind person, I am creative, I am loyal, I try to spread joy and love where ever I go, I am a peaceful person, and I am a healer.
There's a whole side of me that I share very rarely - and I again admire the people who can just be comfortable with who they are, no matter how different!
I've been interested in metaphysics and lately quantum physics and the healing arts connected with that for over twenty years.
I worked in a metaphysical bookstore a long time ago, I've had readings of many kinds, and I have a deep interest in that which can't be seen, but felt so very deeply.
I have been a daily student of the Law of Attraction for over fifteen years, something I rarely talk about. And I've taken workshops for healing and transformation based on the laws of quantum physics. They blew me away, yet I keep this part of me a secret.
I realize that I've tried my whole life to be "normal," which for me meant blending in, not being different, not making waves - and friends, that is such hard work! Plus, I've come to find out that being "normal" is highly overrated.
You know, it's nothing anyone is doing to me or demanding of me or that anyone else can change. God knows Daniel is ready for me to shed these fears and doubts. But that is an inside job.
And yesterday I discovered that my life is getting to be so full and so creative and so different that there is no more room for insecurity, guilt and fear, so I sent them packing.
I feel the unfolding of something new in my heart - confidence - and I am inviting it in. Today, I make the commitment to stand in my life with both feet planted firmly on the ground, ready to be completely who I am! No apologies!
And I am so grateful that you are here with me bearing witness! I appreciate you all so much!!