The other day I was looking for some photos Daniel needed. I went through our three photo bins and didn't find them. Then I went through the closet in my studio and took out everything. Still no photos.
Well then I continued on the cleaning spree upstairs. I went through my art supplies and weeded out everything old that didn't work anymore, little snippets of paper I was never going to use, pens that were dried up, etc. And then on to the book shelves and I sorted out many books I will never read again and will take to the thrift store.
I kept thinking repeatedly: "I can't believe I've been hanging on to this for so many years." And then it occurred to me that really, it's the internal things I hang on to that wreak havoc in my life.
For example, all through my life people have made innocuous comments to me about some aspect about myself that I am sure they forgot about after a few minutes, but I internalized them and still carry them with me.
Many people just shake these things off, but I wasn't that kind of girl. I was extremely sensitive and I took everything to heart. And for many years I believed others' opinions of who I was over my own. I was very insecure.
Even though I've grown out of that and gotten to know myself, I realize that I still carry some of that old stuff with me.
And now I'm finding that I have to revise some of those old beliefs. A teacher told me that I wasn't good at art, that I wasn't creative and I believed it. Another teacher told me that writing was not my thing and I believed that as well.
I used to believe that I was messy and never finished anything I started. I'm starting to think that that's not true at all anymore.
I used to be convinced that I never stuck with anything. When I was writing my last post, I realized that I've been blogging regularly for five years. And that I've been painting for five years - with no end in sight! Add to that that I've been married for nearly 25 years and I think that view of myself is not accurate at all!
All photos were taken on our walk this morning. It was beautiful!!
Maybe it's time to let go of the things I hang on to, some of the physical ones and the internal ones. Time to make space for the new!