Thought Swirls

Re-examine all that you have been told.....dismiss that which insults your soul.

~Walt Whitman

I saw this (somewhat paraphrased) quote by Walt Whitman on one of local artist Panhandle Slim's fabulous paintings yesterday and I was stopped in my tracks. I feel as though that is what I've been doing for years. I have learned so much growing up - especially in school - that was not helpful, plain wrong and often even harmful and now I'm trying to unlearn it. Boy, is that ever hard!!

There are rare days when those old voices are quiet and I can go about being myself and then other days when all I hear are those old tapes playing in my head. I KNOW they are not true, but I still can't shut them up for good. Do you know what I'm talking about?

I was a "good girl," mostly obedient and trying to please those in charge. I've come to the conclusion that obedient children will have it so much harder later in life. I wish I had been rebellious. That I had questioned what I was being told as "the truth" and that I had spoken up for myself! Instead I was a silent receiver of anything and everything. That said, I always knew my own personal truth, but I learned to hide it and hide it well. It's still hard for me to let it out, to show my true colors, especially around those who have known me all my life.

Those old tapes - those familiar voices that only exist in my head anymore, those comments that were made on the fly by someone, long forgotten by them, but forever remembered and internalized by me - I know they lie to me, but a little part of me always wonders if they aren't true after all. They compare me to others (never favorably), they question my value as a human, they criticize my body (oh, do they ever criticize my body - that's going to be a whole other blog post), they make me think that no matter what, it's never enough and never ever good enough.

By now those voices of people from days past have become my own voice in the present and I find it hard to sort out what is really me and what was simply dumped on me. When I got older, I did realize that those adults around me were mostly clueless when it came to life, but those messages were already in my brain, eating away at my self-confidence, making me doubt myself every step of the way.

I watch people who are confident in who they are, who are freely themselves no matter how weird, who love themselves ... and I wonder what that would feel like.  I wonder if I'll ever get there.

I will have family visiting in a few weeks and I am so excited about that. But that nagging part of myself is wondering if I'll be "perfect" enough. Will I fall short of expectations? Stupid, right? I know, but still...

A dear friend of mine is writing a book on perfectionism and we've had some great conversations. I realize that much of my perfectionism was birthed in Kindergarten and elementary school. My teachers had such an impact on me - and not a good one. I learned to do everything just so, to follow the rules, not to question, to be quiet and to always color inside the lines. That's how I've lived most of my life!

I think my way of painting is helping me undo a lot of that early damage! Instead of coloring inside the lines I paint with brilliant colors mixing and flowing and overlapping. No lines. Much fluidity. Nothing predictable. A beautiful mess. And the animal spirits that appear on my canvases are helping me heal as I connect with them, helping me on my journey to uncover my true self.

Speaking of animal spirits, some of my greatest teachers are right here! Our pets are such wonderful examples for enjoying life, accepting what is right now, relaxing, loving and being playful. I think I'll cuddle Winslow for a while and then go play with color...

I wish for you a beautiful Wednesday and leave you with much love and appreciation!

❧ Silke
P.S. I should add (as pointed out by my sister, a most gifted elementary school teacher and beloved by her students) that I wasn't talking about teachers in general, just about the four I had in kindergarten and elementary school. They were of a different era and lessons were taught so differently than they are today... 

La Boqueria - Food Market in Barcelona

While writing down the Paella recipe it occurred to me that I never really shared any pictures of our last Europe travels in France and Spain. It seems like it was just yesterday and at the same time ages ago. Why does time seem to move so darn fast?!

My very favorite place we visited was La Boceria in Barcelona, a food market just off of La Rambla, the main tourist street in central Barcelona.  I admit it, I have a thing for beautiful markets.

If you love to eat and cook like we do, then a market like that is a feast for the eyes as well as the nose and the taste buds!

And visiting one of these markets in other countries gives you such an insight into what foods are regularly consumed that we might not touch at all... I spared you a few of the very graphic photos of whole sheep heads! I think some things you have to grow up with to really appreciate. I did not appreciate those!

Ahhhh, look at that fruit - a riot of color.

Can I have one of each, please?

Barcelona, of course, is famous for the Iberico hams and I ate plenty! I love cured meats - something I definitely grew up eating a lot of in Germany.

You could even buy paper cones filled with shavings of ham on the street for a quick snack. That's my kind of snacking...

The other local food we ate plenty of was anything prepared with salt cod, or bacalao. Delicious!!

That reminds me that I have some in the pantry. I brought back a few cookbooks from Spain and can probably find an excellent recipe. Must remember!!

The seafood in general was amazing!! Fresh and so much variety. We certainly ate our fill on this trip!

 

And here, friends, is my all-time favorite spot of the whole vacation: the Pinotxo Bar at the market.

Daniel recognized this wonderful gentleman from a photo in our Rick Steves guidebook and we patiently waited until a couple of seats became vacant.

When he took our order, he simply asked if we wanted seafood or meat and when we both answered seafood, he took a look at us, nodded his head and went off to put in our order. The food was amazing!! Big shrimp as a starter, followed by a delicious fish entree.

Somehow he knew exactly what we would like. I could have stayed for years... Seriously!! 

 

Actually, there are not many places I would move to for a certain time period, but Barcelona I would! It's such a beautiful city, right on the water. I'll have to share more photos with you...

For today I leave you with much love!

❧ Silke
P.S. I've been painting again and will have some art to show you soon.

P.P.S. I'm also knitting like a fiend and need to take a photo of all my projects in the works on big fat needles, smaller needles and on some that feel like I'm knitting with toothpicks. 

Paella

Several friends on Facebook have asked for my paella recipe, so I thought I'd write it down and post it here so I can find it as well if I need it again. I studied several recipes (everyone seems to have a different version) and came up with one that we really like and that works well and isn't too complicated. The one I followed most closely was a recipe for grilled paella (click here to see it).

Paella

16 large shrimp (about 12 ounces), peeled and deveined
1 teaspoon smoked Spanish paprika (pimentón dulce)
Freshly ground black pepper
1 pound boneless, skinless chicken thighs, cut into 1-inch pieces
8 ounces Spanish chorizo, cut into 1/4-inch-thick rounds
1 to 2 tablespoons olive oil, as needed
1 medium yellow onion, small dice
2 medium garlic cloves, finely chopped
1 cup diced canned tomatoes with the juice
1 large pinch saffron threads
2 cups paella rice (about 1 pound), sometimes labeled bomba or Valencia
1 teaspoon kosher salt, plus more for seasoning the shrimp and chicken
4 cups (1 quart) low-sodium chicken broth
16 mussels, Manila clams, or a combination, scrubbed (or more)
squid or any other seafood you’d like to add
2 tablespoons coarsely chopped fresh Italian parsley leaves
2 medium lemons, cut into 8 wedges each, for serving

Place the shrimp in a medium bowl, add 1/4 teaspoon of the paprika, and season with salt and pepper. Toss to combine and refrigerate.

Place the chicken in a medium bowl and season generously with salt and pepper; set aside.

Heat a large deep pan over medium high heat. Add the chorizo to the pan and cook, stirring occasionally, until the sausage is starting to brown and the fat is rendered, about 2 to 3 minutes. Using tongs or a slotted spoon, transfer the chorizo to a large bowl; set aside.

There should be a thin layer of rendered fat in the pan. If there’s not enough, add 1 to 2 tablespoons of olive oil. Add the seasoned chicken to the pan in a single layer and sear, stirring occasionally, until both sides of the chicken pieces are golden brown, about 6 minutes total. Using tongs or a slotted spoon, transfer the chicken to the bowl with the chorizo; set aside.

Add the onion to the pan, season with salt and pepper and cook, stirring occasionally, until softened, about 5 minutes. Add the garlic, remaining 3/4 teaspoon paprika stir to combine, and cook until fragrant, about 30 seconds.

Add the cup of diced tomato with the juice and cook until the mixture has slightly darkened in color, scraping up any browned bits from the bottom of the pan, about 3 minutes.

Meanwhile infuse half the hot chicken stock with the saffron. Add the rice and measured salt and stir to coat in the tomato mixture. Add infused stock and leave to cook on a medium heat, stirring from time to time.

After 20 minutes the rice should be nearly cooked. At this point add the reserved chorizo and chicken, pour in the rest of the stock along with the peas, prawns, the mussels, clams and squid if you are using them. Arrange the shellfish hinge-side down on the rice, pushing each mussel or clam a little bit into the rice.

Place a lid on the pan and cook for 10 minutes more without stirring. You want that rice to get just a little crisp on the bottom of the pan. And you want all the clams and mussels to be opened.

Remove the pan from the stove, cover with foil, and let stand for 5 minutes. Before serving the paella, discard any unopened shellfish and sprinkle the dish with the parsley. Serve with the lemon wedges.

Serves 8

Notes:

It really helps doing all your prep work ahead of time, especially getting all the seafood ready. And the veggies as well. Then when it comes to cooking time, you can just add the things and it won't be stressful.

The smoked paprika is what gives it that very distinct flavor. It used to be hard to find, but now many grocery stores carry it.

If you can't find paella rice (I ordered mine from Amazon), I read that you can substitute arborio rice.

Also, it's a great dish to play with the ingredients depending on what you like. I'll definitely be making it again!!

❧ Silke
P.S. I have so much going on right now and so many thoughts swirling around in my head, I'll have much more to share with you next time!! 

New Orleans - Part 2

The day after the wedding we had an entire day to spend in the city of New Orleans. We met up with almost everyone who was at the wedding for a beignet at Cafe du Monde and then we all set off on our own for a little exploring.

We first made the short trek over the levee to the mighty Mississippi. We had such perfect weather for this! In the photo above, I'm talking to my dad in Germany. He's been to New Orleans a few times an knew exactly where I was sitting - Daniel snapped that photo of me to send to him while we were talking - technology is so much fun for moments like that!

This was followed by a blurry selfie with Jackson Square and St. Louie Cathedral in the background.

We walked through the park toward the cathedral. While outside the park it was teeming with street art and tourists, in the park it was relatively quiet. I was surprised.

I love banana trees and always have to snap a photo or two - they still seem so exotic to me!

I checked for bananas but none of them were ripe yet.

Many of the buildings in New Orleans are quite old and have a very distinct style.

 One thing I noticed this time around were some of the very heavily planted second story balconies.

I think they would provide excellent privacy, but I wonder if there is still space to sit on those balconies. Maybe they just enjoy the lush greenery from inside.

And of course being there so close to Halloween everything seemed a little extra spooky.

This house seemed especially creepy to me.

And very nicely done!

While New Orleans isn't my absolute favorite city (I'm just not into the bar and party scene very much - or not at all to be precise), we both love the street musicians. We stayed and watched this band for a long time.

They looked somewhat bedraggled, but they were really very good. Look at that base!

At some point they had to clear the way for a short parade/rally that came through.

The tap dancer of the band kept tapping right along with the music of the rally. It was fun!

We ate some excellent food, which we didn't photograph. I know! How could we forget that?! I had shrimp and grits with a definite french influence and Daniel had Jambalaya. Delicious!!

The next day we left bright and early for our 10-hour drive back. When the sun came up over Lake Pontchartrain, it was so beautiful I snapped a photo out the (not very clean) car window.

I leave you with this shot of a gorgeous grackle above my lucky number at a gas station on the way home...

I wish you a beautiful weekend. Our day started out cold and windy. We went from summer temperatures last week to me contemplating turning on the heater this morning...

❧ Silke