Reflections

I took all these photos at the Chihuly Museum in Seattle this summer. It was spectacular! 

I can't believe that our summer is almost over. Daniel starts teaching again in another two weeks and already our days are getting busier with things that need to get done.

During our summer we painted, we read, we relaxed went to the movies, met up with friends, celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary and traveled to Seattle to see some wonderful friends. We enjoyed every minute of it.

We also made plans to do a few renovations on the house and were getting busy with the prep work after we got back from Seattle when one of our pine trees close to the house was hit by lightening.

The lightning jumped to our outdoor spotlight and from there through some of the electrical wires into the house. We and our pets are all fine, although we were all shaken from the loud bang. And we lost quite a few appliances and electronics despite surge protectors, which need to be replaced.

But that's the ebb and flow of life - periods of free time to relax followed by busy times that keep us hopping. With everything we have going on this fall, we'll have to block out some time each week to relax and recharge.

Well, speaking of the ebb and flow of life.... lately I've been reflecting quite a bit on this next phase of my life I am entering: peri-menopause (sorry to any guys reading this. TMI, I know!). And while I kind of thought it would all be happening in my body, there's a lot going on in my mind, and my emotions are all over the place.

I'm definitely feeling this transition. It's sort of like going through puberty again (right down to the the increase of pimples in my face), but puberty was accompanied by great anticipation of being grown up and independent, with all the dreams of the young.

This now feels much calmer. In so many ways I have the life I have dreamed of. And I still feel anticipation of all this next phase will bring. At the same time I'm feeling just a little unsteady - not quite here anymore and not quite there yet.

There are days I feel confident and full of energy and others when I cannot find my place at all. I don't feel old, but I'm also not young anymore.

My body is changing, which I have trouble adjusting to. I used to be rail thin and skinny and now I am suddenly curvy. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but somehow I got it in my head that - for me - skinny is good and curvy is not. I know that's total nonsense, but it wormed itself into my thinking and it's taking me a long time to learn to be kind to my changing body and to still see it as beautiful.

I always thought that I would not ever have a problem with getting older, but... that was when I was young. When you are young you can't see things from an older person's perspective. But I do now. And while I have no regrets whatsoever about the choices I have made in life so far, and while I love my life right now, I still have to adjust to this new version of myself.

So, last night when everything felt a little chaotic with all the things we have going on right now around the house and life in general, I was wondering what I could use as an anchor of sorts. Painting has become sporadic and that won't change for the next few weeks. And then it occurred to me: my blog! I need to write again. I need to share. I need to go through my day and take photos that I'd love to put in my blog. I need to document this transition time for myself. I need to write! For me!

And if you are here reading what I write, even better!!

With much love and gratitude,

❧ Silke