I've been thinking...

...this morning (and obviously playing with photo booth) about something that's been on my mind for a while, and something I have often talked with Daniel about.

Something that's very ingrained in me, but that I have no use for anymore!

The feeling of being undeserving, of needing to blend in, needing to dim my own light, to apologize for who I am, to please others so that they'll approve. They all sound like separate things, but they are all very connected for me.

I watch others who are so comfortable in their skin, who welcome their talents and special gifts, who live who they are without any fear of being judged - and I think: "Me, too! I want to be like that!"

And yesterday I made the decision.

No more playing small, no more hiding in the background, no more worrying so much about what others think, no more guilt as my constant companion, no more fear as my daily nourishment!

I am DONE with that!

Being in class yesterday, I realized that I am a GOOD artist! I don't just draw or paint and try to do it perfectly (NOT interested in that), but I paint what I feel, I paint to express my inner self.

And the fact that I can do that, that I can see what I feel in the faces I paint is pretty darn amazing!

It's not just the art though -- I need to make my thoughts about myself as kind as my thoughts are about others.

I am a kind person, I am creative, I am loyal, I try to spread joy and love where ever I go, I am a peaceful person, and I am a healer.

There's a whole side of me that I share very rarely - and I again admire the people who can just be comfortable with who they are, no matter how different!

I've been interested in metaphysics and lately quantum physics and the healing arts connected with that for over twenty years.

I worked in a metaphysical bookstore a long time ago, I've had readings of many kinds, and I have a deep interest in that which can't be seen, but felt so very deeply.

I have been a daily student of the Law of Attraction for over fifteen years, something I rarely talk about. And I've taken workshops for healing and transformation based on the laws of quantum physics. They blew me away, yet I keep this part of me a secret.

I realize that I've tried my whole life to be "normal," which for me meant blending in, not being different, not making waves - and friends, that is such hard work! Plus, I've come to find out that being "normal" is highly overrated.

You know, it's nothing anyone is doing to me or demanding of me or that anyone else can change. God knows Daniel is ready for me to shed these fears and doubts. But that is an inside job.

And yesterday I discovered that my life is getting to be so full and so creative and so different that there is no more room for insecurity, guilt and fear, so I sent them packing.

I feel the unfolding of something new in my heart - confidence - and I am inviting it in. Today, I make the commitment to stand in my life with both feet planted firmly on the ground, ready to be completely who I am! No apologies!

And I am so grateful that you are here with me bearing witness! I appreciate you all so much!!

Can I just say...

... my drawing class is AWESOME!!!

Get this - we went from drawing lines and circles last time to a big honkin' still life!! Like with vases, planters, lamp shades, bowls and lots of other stuff! When she first mentioned that we were going to draw all of that, I thought I hadn't heard right! But, alas, my hearing is working just fine...

Our first assignment was to draw a small thumbnail sketch in our sketch book to figure out size and space relationships. On my sixth attempt (but who's counting), I felt like singing: "By George, I think she's got it!!" and dance a little jig of happiness!

My professor thought it was good as well and I was able to start on the big drawing (18 x 22 inches). The drawing below shows how far I got in the sketch phase before class was over. Time just flew by! And get this - there is homework and I have to come in to the classroom in the evenings and/or on the weekend to continue with the drawing before next class.

It's funny how when you actually want to take a class and learn, homework seems just wonderful! I rarely felt that way as a kid in school...

I leave you today with these spring flowers from our garden...

and my wish for a creative and fun day for you!!

Beautiful Things!!

I am so dreadfully behind in posting this! While my family was visiting, I received this gorgeous package from the most lovely Rachel (Mozart's Girl) in England! I had won her giveaway!! A package by Royal Mail - did I feel special or what?!?

And when I opened it, out spilled the most wonderful things: A book about a family in the restaurant business in New York, a little cup making me homesick for England, a little pad of paper that makes me smile every time I look at it, a fun little button and a CD with some of my favorite Mozart piano music! Thank you so much, Rachel! You all can click here to go visit her blog!

I am also late in posting about this gorgeous treasury my friend Theresa (Faerie Moon Creations) curated and included my bird print. Click here to see the treasury and leave a comment if you'd like, and here to visit Theresa's beautiful blog! I so appreciate that you always think of me, Theresa!!

Then, yesterday, I received this beautiful package from my dear friend, Kelly (Kelly Berkey Designs).  I just couldn't resist the new rings she is making!!! Just look at that gorgeous packaging (I have to admit that I put it back together to take pictures - I had opened it so fast in my haste to see the rings that I forgot about photographing it!)

Inside the box were butterflies and gold stars and two most gorgeous rings!

One reads "live.laugh.love" and the other "I am ... enough." Both things I need to remember all the time!!

I just love the way they look! Kelly, you do such a great job!!

And ... staying with Kelly for a moment longer, I took one more photo of her recent (well, it's been a few months) sketch challenge she hosted on her blog and did another 10 minute sketch - last week, before my drawing class had started. I think it turned out pretty nicely for being a quick sketch. I have to say though, hands are hard to draw!

We woke up this morning to a band of strong storms coming through. Now the rain has stopped and the sun is coming out. It's still windy though and we are expecting a big drop in temperatures. Tonight it's supposed to get down into the 30's! I'm thinking here at the coast we'll stay in the 40's though.

I hope you are all having a fantastic day!!

This 'n' That

Yesterday, the weather was perfectly gorgeous, which was good because we had a kayaking outing planned to a secret island. 

Notice how we have no photos from our trip there? That's because it was such a chore kayaking across and up the Savannah River that we had no time for photos. We were going against the tide and the strong river current.

If you got swept out to sea your next stop would be Africa! Well, not quite, but I wasn't going to let that river take me in the wrong direction because ... well, because Daniel had all the food in his kayak! You all know how much I like to eat...and that's just what we did when we got to the island.

After lunch, we wandered around for a couple of hours looking for fossilized sharks teeth, bones and what ever else we could find.

I cannot tell you how heavenly it was being with a group of like-minded people...

and at the same time being able to wander off in complete solitude.

It was so peaceful!

After this big freighter came by,

we decided to make our way back across the river.

This time it was much easier going with the current, although against the tide once again.

Here I am paddling away - it was wonderful!!

And here are the treasures everyone found. By far, the most exciting find was the spearhead, which one of the ladies found! I found the big bone in the middle, Daniel found a fossilized stingray barb, and the three whelk shells are ours as well.  Yeah!!

In other news, Winslow and Ramses were enjoying the sunshine as well, spending most of the weekend outside!

And the wrens built a nest in the same place as last year - the hanging fern right outside our front door. I was so happy to see them back. You wouldn't believe how fast they built that little nest - only took them about a day! Such busy little birds...

And ... big drum roll please ... today I had my first drawing class, which was sooo much fun!! After our professor lectured about drawing in general, we actually started drawing - standing up at an easel! WOW!! We drew lines and figure eights and circles and finished the class with a couple of blind contour drawings, which were very interesting to do.

In blind contour drawing, you look at the object you are drawing and not at all at the paper. Then, as your eyes follow every line of your object, you draw those lines on your paper without lifting up the pencil. First we drew our hands and then a skeleton's leg and foot. Both drawings looked nothing like the objects, but my professor thought they were very good. I cannot tell you how hard it was not to peak at what I was drawing - and the finished pieces made me chuckle...

That's all the news from here for now. I hope that you are all doing well and wish you a wonderful week ahead!!

P.S. Thank you so much for all your encouraging comments on my last painting! I loved how some of you thought he was an athlete or dancer. Dancer was my first thought when he appeared on the canvas... I keep seeing something done with the background of that painting, so I think I'll work on it some more! I'll keep you updated.

The Power of Art

For the most part, my art is pretty and benign and lovely. But once in a while a painting comes through that has me catching my breath and stare at it in disbelief. So with this painting I did this morning.

I set out to doodle some more in my sketchbook, but before I knew it, I had gotten out this 8 x 10 inch canvas and had started a charcoal sketch that turned into this young man. I have no idea where this came from, but it was a powerful experience for me.

I always thought of art as painting nice pictures, but I never really knew how incredible the connection is between an artist and his creation. Sometimes I think it's more about how my art is shaping me than about what I create. These past two years have certainly changed my life!

Anyway, I had used one my favorite colors - phthalo turquoise - which apparently doesn't like to be scanned or photographed, turning into dark blue. I tweaked with the scan until it looked more like the original, but it's still not quite as luminous as the painting.

I hope you are all enjoying your Friday. I am off now to clean the house a bit. I'm always amazed at the mess two people can make in a day or two...

To all of you who are experiencing snowfall today, I hope that it's the last of this season! We are enjoying sunshine again today, which I am most grateful for!!