Thursday, April 7, 2011

I've been thinking...

...this morning (and obviously playing with photo booth) about something that's been on my mind for a while, and something I have often talked with Daniel about.
Something that's very ingrained in me, but that I have no use for anymore!
The feeling of being undeserving, of needing to blend in, needing to dim my own light, to apologize for who I am, to please others so that they'll approve. They all sound like separate things, but they are all very connected for me.
I watch others who are so comfortable in their skin, who welcome their talents and special gifts, who live who they are without any fear of being judged - and I think: "Me, too! I want to be like that!"
And yesterday I made the decision.
No more playing small, no more hiding in the background, no more worrying so much about what others think, no more guilt as my constant companion, no more fear as my daily nourishment!
I am DONE with that!
Being in class yesterday, I realized that I am a GOOD artist! I don't just draw or paint and try to do it perfectly (NOT interested in that), but I paint what I feel, I paint to express my inner self.
And the fact that I can do that, that I can see what I feel in the faces I paint is pretty darn amazing!
It's not just the art though -- I need to make my thoughts about myself as kind as my thoughts are about others.
I am a kind person, I am creative, I am loyal, I try to spread joy and love where ever I go, I am a peaceful person, and I am a healer.
There's a whole side of me that I share very rarely - and I again admire the people who can just be comfortable with who they are, no matter how different!

I've been interested in metaphysics and lately quantum physics and the healing arts connected with that for over twenty years.
I worked in a metaphysical bookstore a long time ago, I've had readings of many kinds, and I have a deep interest in that which can't be seen, but felt so very deeply.
I have been a daily student of the Law of Attraction for over fifteen years, something I rarely talk about. And I've taken workshops for healing and transformation based on the laws of quantum physics. They blew me away, yet I keep this part of me a secret.
I realize that I've tried my whole life to be "normal," which for me meant blending in, not being different, not making waves - and friends, that is such hard work! Plus, I've come to find out that being "normal" is highly overrated.

You know, it's nothing anyone is doing to me or demanding of me or that anyone else can change. God knows Daniel is ready for me to shed these fears and doubts. But that is an inside job.
And yesterday I discovered that my life is getting to be so full and so creative and so different that there is no more room for insecurity, guilt and fear, so I sent them packing.
I feel the unfolding of something new in my heart - confidence - and I am inviting it in. Today, I make the commitment to stand in my life with both feet planted firmly on the ground, ready to be completely who I am! No apologies!

And I am so grateful that you are here with me bearing witness! I appreciate you all so much!!


  1. I got chills reading this post Silke. You know how much I can relate to your feelings and I think you for sharing this with us. It is inspiring to me as I long to do the same.

    I too have been very interested in the metaphysical but rarely talk about it. Now I can chat about it with you!! ;)

    You are amazing my dear friend!!

  2. Do you hear that? It's me cheering for you and jumping up and down! Yay Silke!!! This is such a wonderfully powerful post - I love it!

    Thank you for sharing this :)


  3. Liebe Silke

    von hier kommen sonnige Grüße

    Angela und Elisabeth

  4. You go girl! Put it out there. Make it real. Make it happen!!!! Yay!!! Open up all of you. Let's hear you roar!

  5. Silke, the best artists in any form or media are the ones who are JUST THEM SELVES.
    Not what the world expects, not what *society* expects, not pushed into a box and expected to live happily in a half-life.
    Silke found her wings and flies!!!! ;-)
    Your post made me think too---perfectly timed.
    The Universe is quite good my friend~~grab all you can.

    Much love, Anne

  6. Really neat, I would love to hear more about your thoughts on the healing arts connected to metaphysics and quantum physics sounds so interesting.

    "No creature is fully itself till it is, like the dandelion, opened in the bloom of pure relationship to the sun, the entire living cosmos." ~D.H. Lawrence

  7. Oh my! Go for it sisterfriend! BUT BUT BUT...You are not going to run around naked, are you?

  8. Great Beautiful!!!

    This is from "Mary Poppins" and I felt that these words spoke to me and maybe it will speak to you too ♥

    Broaden Your Horizon.
    Open different doors.
    You may find a you there that you never knew was yours.
    If you reach for the stars
    all you get are the stars.
    If you reach for the heavens
    you get the stars thrown in.
    Anthing can happen if you let it.
    Life out there is waiting
    so go and get it.
    Grab it by the collar
    seize it by the scruff.
    Once you've started living life you just can't get enough
    Go and chase your dreams you won't regret it
    Anything can happen
    if you let it ♥

    Love & hugs Annika :)

  9. You totally rock, girl! And go for it. Ich freu mich so für Dich, Silke. Das ist fantastisch!

  10. Bravo Silke!! This is such an inspirational post - you are so inspiring! I can only imagine the amazingness you are attracting to yourself this very moment having stepped into your truth so fully and publicly!! Into the vortex you go - thank you for showing us the way :) xoxo K

  11. What an opening! Thank you for sharing it with us. It's beautiful and so are you and your art. I'm glad you are coming to feeling it and knowing it.

    xoxo Kim

  12. WOW, Silke!! What you've put into words, I think, many of us feel inside. I grew up feeling that need to please everyone around me. Along with that need, comes feelings of guilt, fear, and more. It is hard to shed.
    As I've grown in years, I've come to realize that we are all unique individuals with hearts, minds, and talents of our own. I am my own human being and I no longer allow anyone to make me feel inferior.
    BRAVO!! I like the words you have written today, Silke. Do it! Be Silke on the inside and the out! I look forward to getting to know this part of you. You are a unique, artistic, kind, loving, intelligent, and confident person.
    ♥ audrey

  13. Yay Shine on is an empowering feeling to set yourself free and spirit on fire isn it!!..Congrats Kindred( on so many levels)!! I am happy for you! I learned long ago...not to hold my light back felt wrong..and so just fly out there and doesnt matter at must be fully you...and celebrate all that you came here to is why you are here!! party!
    HUgs kindred sister

  14. Oh my gosh Silke!!! It seems that you and I have a WHOLE LOT in common!! I don't even know where to start!!! For now I will just touch on the quantum physics thing----it is something that I long to understand and know more about!! I feel like the answers to many of our deepest questions lie in quantum physics!! When I read or watch anything on this subject I feel incredible excitement---like I am on the verge of something that is sooooooo amazing and yet....I can't quite wrap my brain around it!!! I WANT to understand and I just can't (yet)! And I too, have always admired the people who are comfortable with who they are, no matter how off the chart of "normal" they are! A few years ago I learned to be much more comfortable in my own skin but I know I still have a long way to go!!! I am so happy that you share your journey here so honestly and openly and I look forward to hearing more!!! And if you know of any books on quantum physics for the average person, please let me know!!!

  15. YAY Silke! Wonderful post! I have trouble with this very thing sometimes too, but self always wins out! And then see all the support that comes. You know that we are one mind when it comes to the spiritual stuff and the art stuff.
    Always be the beautiful, talented self that you are! xoxo

  16. I've always thought of you as a beautiful woman with both her feet on the ground who knows what she wants. Someone who is kind and willing to share her life with others. I like you, I think you are very very nice. Can I go there with you? Tee hee. :)::hugs::

  17. Oh Silke you are all those things you always wanted to be and more!! I loved the pretty pictures and loved this post so much. Every time I come here I leave feeling so good. THANK YOU!!!

  18. Silke, I am so proud of you! I have tried to dim my light as well over the years, so to read these brave words today made my heart smile wide. Thank you for your inspiration and for sharing something so personal and deep.


  19. Aaah! I was being facetious earlier. I think we have a natural tendency to please others and seek approval. It’s a human way of belonging. Most people who don’t care and say they are independent don’t really have many friends in real life, they are mostly recluse and a lot of them hide behind the façade of the Internet and are difficult, noxious or boring company. We have to be able to live with others but having said that, we need to be good to and honest with ourselves and let ourselves grow and prosper. As you said, you are good, kind and loyal. You are a virtuous woman so there is no reason why you would not have friends who should accept you the way you are. I think they do! I do. Now, if you want to explore your inner self, I think that is a wonderful thing to do. We have so many fears, past experiences that adversely affect our progress. These we have to honestly face. It takes a lot of courage and sometimes we need others’ help to overcome the obstacles. Sometimes “the others” are the obstacles. There are friends who hinder us, limit us and control us because of their selfish nature, motives and fears. I don’t have much advice on this matter except STAY AWAY from toxic people when you are on this quest. Surround yourself with people who care and truly love you for who you are, not what they want you to be. Surround yourself with positive energies, healthy vibes, nourishing and inspirational yet realistic friends who will also be willing and honest to tell you kindly that your actions may hurt you. They cannot be sycophantic. They have to be people who truly love you just because. I think it is wonderful that you are going through intensive and thoughtful moments. I wish you well and wish you the best. As in any quest, career or profession, the best are those who have mastered the fundamentals. Do not forsake the fundamentals whether you are self-taught or under instruction. You have great motivation and desire, a zest for life. That alone is the envy of so many. God bless you, Silke, you are loved, dearest sisterfriend.

  20. Hello, hello, lovely sisterfriend! I come to visit you on Sisterfriend Day!

    First of all, I LOVE that you are having such fun and excitement with your drawing class. Learning should always be like that, shouldn't it! Your enthusiasm is contagious!

    And hooray for empowerment! You know, I think most people are not fully comfortable in their own skin, even though they look successful and self confident. I remember reading how even Julia Roberts is afraid everyone will find out she's a fraud. It's that self doubt that keeps us striving for better, pushing ourselves forward.

    I think I shall mark this day down as the day Silke unfolds her new wings. Beautiful painting of Buddha, by the way!


  21. WOW! Ein super-Post.
    Mach so weiter, es ist gut!
    Ich hab ja ein Tageskind aus Indianapolis. Sie sagt immer "That's great!"
    Ich mag Deine Bilder

  22. Hello Silke, I am glad to read about your feelings, and I think I am very similar to you, because I am always traying to do what people want me to do, or at least is what I always done, and now I am trying to be myself, but I haven't got yet confindence in myself. Congratulation you have found it! Love,

  23. Woohooo! Yay for you Silke! I am on a very similar path to you and taking on corage and bravery as I begin to let my true self emerge from hiding.

    Strength and peace to you!

  24. What a beautiful post, Silke! I learned so much about you. I can understand your fears, as I've felt them, too. They are very hard to overcome - but with friendship and support and love, I think you can. I'll be with you every step of the way! Thank you for openly sharing a piece of your soul. Theresa

  25. Wow - you go, girl! Such a breakthrough - I wish you could tell me how you did it.
    But I am proud and excited that you have reached this point - and I can't wait to see you stretch your wings and really fly!

  26. Wow Silke, you go girl! So pleased you're feeling more confident in the real you, the deeper, truer you! This post was so cool to read. I felt like being giddy and jumping up and down with you.
    Is there something really deep happening with everyone at this time? I think so. We seem to be growing in heart! So cool Silke, you are so special and very beautiful! Be everything you ever wanted to be!
    Loads of lovexx

  27. Oh Silke I think I owe today to you and your inspiration! Thankyou on all counts.xx :)

  28. **clapping of many hands** and a big, happy sigh.
    Love, Deb

  29. This is a wonderful turning point in your life, I think, and you should be PROUD that you 1) made the decision to live an authentic life, and 2) felt strong enough and clear enough to share your decision with your online community. You are a wonderful person, and I'm glad you're finally catching onto that fact!! No need to look to anyone else for guidance on how you "should" live your life -- you've got everything you need right inside of you. Rock on, Silke! ☺ love you, Beth

  30. Sweetest Silke,-
    No matter age- old or young- it is alwayes a perfect time to pack away guilt, fear-and worrying--but I know all about those feelings, and even I`m 61- I still can`t completely let go of those negative thoughts,--still can`t only be me-without thinking about other peoples meanings......
    You just struggle to se the other side of you, where you live the true life for you, and what you believe in,dear friend-
    Big hug- and love,

  31. amen, amen, amen and a standing ovation!!!!!!

    i LOVE this post Silke.
    i mean i REALLY. LOVE. THIS. POST.

    i can relate 100% and i want to take that stand with you.

    thank YOU for this!
    thank you
    thank you
    thank you



  32. Congratulations, Silke! The you who is about to step out is that you that I've known for years.

    And welcome, Silke, to the world of those of us who've boldly stepped out of our self-made closets.

    Put on your sunglasses, everyone!

    Lots of love to you.