Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Some Thoughts...

I have been so absent from blogland partly because the weather is too nice to be in front of the computer, partly because my days have been busier than usually, and partly because I had much I wanted to say, but it was still jumbled in my head.
I think it has become clearer now and I want to write about it and get your perspective.
Remember how last week, I made a decision to just go with the flow of my creative life? Well, no sooner did I do this when all the "old friends" reared their lovely heads. I thought they were gone, but it turns out, they were just having a little snooze.
Let me introduce you to some and ask if you know them as well. And how do you deal with them?
1. Guilt - as in:"How can I spend my days having such fun at what I do while others are experiencing hardships and are working so hard?"
2. Self-Doubt - as in:"Am I really good at any of this? Do I really deserve this? Am I kidding myself?"
3. Fear (I think I was born a fraidy cat) - as in: "What if I fail at this? What if I disappoint those I love?"
4. The People Pleaser - as in: "What if my friends and family disapprove? What if I don't live the way they want me to?"
5. The Poor Me - as in: "Nobody likes me, everybody hates me, I think I'll go eat worms!"
Now, I did have a helping factor in this pity party I was having last Thursday.  Girls, if I say HORMONES, I think you'll know exactly what I'm talking about! Darn them!!
And by Friday I was feeling much better and told those "old friends" that I understand if they stick around, but that I was going to move ahead with the creative life that is unfolding in front of me.
There will always be self-doubt, guilt, fear and all the others, but I used to let them paralyze me and that is not happening anymore. Now I call them "old friends" because they actually help propel me forward.
If anything, I now feel more secure in my decision to live creatively and to share the joy I am experiencing with everyone else.
Incidentally, on the evening of my pity party, I was putting together my artist resume and saw that my art has found homes in 15 US states and in 7 different countries! Then I realized that the same goes for my knitting - I've sold over a hundred scarves and other creations in past years to people all over the world. Take that, Self-Doubt and Poor Me!

As to you all, thank you so much for witnessing this journey I am on and for supporting me every step of the way. What an awesome community we have here!


  1. You articulated well what many of us feel. Well done - banish negative thought. Onward to more creativity.

  2. We *ALL* go through everything you wrote.
    Congratulations my dear!
    You are now officially an artist, hormones or no! LOL!!!
    Success is measured by how you feel about your work. It is in the current culture that so much emphasis has been placed upon money+art=successful art.
    No---trust me. There is a lot of stuff that sells that is not creative or art. It is just feeding the masses pablum.
    And you make art, not pablum! ;)

    XXOO & TSUP!!♥
    Anne.....who seems to be having issues with Yahoo e-mail this morning....hmmm.....

  3. I know exactly how you feel; been there so many times. I'm trying to remember what I do when these moments arrive, hormonal or not, and also ask myself 'why?'. Sometimes I have an answer but often I don't so I journey forwards and try to do the best I possibly can, regardless. So I'll be thinking of you and wishing you all the best in your endeavours.

  4. Hi Silke..hugs! Powerful inspiring post!You are such a wonderfull creative soul and a true artist! Never feel guilty about having a beautiful true to the life you have been given, honor the spirit of you and the direction your life is taking you. Feel happy!The way we sometime contribute at a universal way is to create and to spread that empowering energy and are an artist..create..that energy you give to that life path affects things on so many levels and raises the beauty and positivity in the world..the world needs upliftment..we can help raise the world up..or keep it stuck and down .every life-expression is instrumental in changing the world...those who may be in a challenging situation or struggle in life..begin to thrive when there is more positive energy available and being created in the universe! I know i sound fluffy..but it truly is true..empower your life enhance your light..and this brings more empowerment into universal creates shifts that lift the spirit of the world.

    and also those that may disapprove..all the more reason to be all that you empowers everyone around you!

    i was given a second chance at my life many years ago...every day is my first and last ever to live....I dont want to waste a job is to honor that new be the best person i can be and try my best..thats it! we all have stuggles..if it is your time to live a creative joyful life..honor that! Be excited! I loved your post...and all the powerful insights you shared! Thankyou!
    Sometime our "old friends" show remind us how much we have actually grown..or to revisit these ideas..and decide to transform them into new powerful ingredients instead!

    Congrats on all the wonderful works you have work is beautiful! and at the same time..even if you never sold a are an artist and a very talented one..and that is most powerful of all!
    Hugs special kindred! you are amazing!
    Shine on
    PS ( sorry for my long stories ha ha)

  5. Those same "old friends" are still taking up residence in my home - but I am working up my courage to give them an eviction notice.

    Great post!

  6. Silke, reading your blog has shown me that you are a very strong person and that your art has evolved and continues to evolve as you do. Grasp it while you may and just go with the flow. Life is too darn short too worry about any of the 5 or 6 things you mentioned. You have a great life. Push those hormones out of the way or better yet, go get a hormone shot once a month. Tee Hee. That will help enlighten the senses. Have a fun and creative day. Take care.

  7. silke, your honestly is refreshingly welcomed by all of us who have the same blabbermouth friends!

    here's my advice: let the little girl inside you do the creating and the painting. because when anyone tells her that it's not okay for her to be having fun, to be trying, to be wanting and caring, you know damn well you will step in and defend and protect her. so let her play and reassure her when she gets awkward or afraid.

    i wrote a letter to my own 'little girl' a couple of posts back on my blog. take a peek, silke, you might have a letter of your own with just the right guidance!

    love love silke,
    keep it up

  8. Hi Silke! Down with the negative up with creative positive.I laughed at your number 5.hehe I remember that well.

    Happy day to you!

  9. I'm very familiar with those hormones!!! UGH! But my fear, self doubt, people-pleasing personality, for the most part, left me years ago. I think that through my poetry and writing I worked it out. Don't let those things completely debilitate you. Rather, set some priorities for yourself and work to keep those in focus and you'll be fine! Happy forward journeying!! :-)

  10. Wonderful post Silke!! I love your attitude and I couldn't make it to your pity party so I hosted and attended my own. Some days are just hard and I totally get the HORMONE thing. I'm not sleeping enough, I'm too sensitive, I'm tired. It all makes for a crank sometimes but thank GOD for blogging and art and letting it go.
    I've never done an artists' resume and figured out where my stuff has gone. That's awesome and you should be very proud!!!
    Big hugs to you sweetheart!

  11. *hug* don't worry sweetie, yes tell your friends to take a vacation (permanent!). sometimes i think life would be such bliss if we didn't have those "friends" in our ear and just did instead of thinking so much. (on the negative, of course!)

  12. So many are suffering on this planet and you my dear by being happy and in love with your life bring light and love in to the world.
    Keep doing it.
    We question that with our mind talk because we spend so much time contemplating and thinking while we work... and alone.
    Bring light in to this world, it is your job!!
    I have given up many so called luxuries to live this way and I love it, I question too, am I good enough?
    I am good enough and I love what I do. I will let the 4000 square foot house go... and the volvo... I actually like beans and rice.
    I would though love for people to see what we do provide for the planet... a smile, a good thought, and maybe love! Oh and a piece of our heart and soul.
    Yay for this forum, it has saved my sorry butt more than a couple of times from quitting all together.
    Carry on.
    Love and hugs.

  13. Oh and very well said...brava!!!

  14. Oh Silke, you captured the journey of all of us. Ah, the wonderful female hormones! Being on The Other Side of menopause, I can testify that it is MUCH better here than perimenopause. Something to consider when we have a pity party is WHO is that does not want us to have life to the fullest? Another rule I live by and remind my children of is that it is only a mood, or a bad day - give it no more importance than that - get a good night's sleep and things will look better in the morning. You are at a point of privilege in your life, one that you have earned. Oh, and everybody LOVES you! I miss you when you don't post. NO GUILT! No obligation. Just saying that you matter to me! You are more than enough exactly as you are. **blows kisses** Deb

  15. Klasse Post, Silke! Und ich glaube Deine "alten Freunde" sind leider bei vielen von uns regelmäßig zu Gast. Keep going - you rock! Hugs Stefanie

  16. I'm so glad you are fighting these thoughts Silke! They are just trying to take away your creative energy and that is not good. You are so talented. I am lucky enough to have one of your paintings in my house and I just adore it! Everyone who sees it loves it too, you are truly an amazing artist. Besides that, you are an amazing sweet person who is genuine and really cares about people. You have helped me so much just through our little email chats.

    Sending you lots of love and creativity today!


  17. Those darned low points. At least they help make the up points that much brighter! I would say you stuck it to your old friends pretty good with your success! Bravo!

  18. Hi Silke....I think we have all gone through this....I hope you just focus on what your heart wants to sing...and create....your work is wonderful and has touched so many!!!

    I also love all of your about inspiration!!! it is all around...


  19. Silke thanks for sharing all your feelings in this post. You know that I can so relate to how you feel as do many of us. Although I don't have the answers as I am still struggling with this myself I do know that being here in blogland has helped inspire me in many ways!

    Your art is so lovely! Keep sharing yourself with the world! I miss you when you don't post! ;)

    Big hug to you my friend!

    Reading this post today has really inspired and helped me! :)

  20. "Old friends." I love this and plan on using it now! I've just come off a bender with my last pity party, and is it exhausting. I like your approach of calling these crazy feelings and emotions "old friends." It's a more positive spin!

    So glad I stopped by! And thank you for stopping by my blog. It's nice to meet you, Silke :)

  21. Oh Silke, I hear you loud and clear. I am saddled with these fears and questions on what seems to be a daily basis. Every time I sell a design - be it art, knitting or jewelry - I am in amazement. My hubby is my biggest cheerleader. And then I have the support of my beautiful online network of friends - like YOU - to lift me up and "give me wings" to fly and be brave. I just try to swallow my fears and doubts and continue to create the things that I think are beautiful. Hugs to you and thank you for your openness and honestly. Theresa

  22. I especially struggle with the self-doubt and the fear. Interestingly, I bet people that know me would not believe that but it is true.

  23. silke, #5 made me laugh out loud! i can so relate to the hormones, i think that is the biggest problem for me these days. when i was young i had no fear, never cared what others thought, went on a journey of being a premier wedding florist without asking anyone's opinion. nowadays i can't pick paint color without agonizing over it. who is this woman who took over my mind? why in the world could i at 22 not fear failure on monumental levels and at 43 i worry about something so silly as paint color? that shuts me down. i get into a funk, i think i've lost who i am. then hubby brings me ice cream to bed and makes me laugh and tells me how brave and beautiful i am and how the art i create brings that beauty into this world and this world needs more beauty and love and those little things really do matter.
    so i get up and i paint and i sing and i'm thankful that i have this life and this opportunity. so silke, paint for those who can't paint. who don't have the husband who supports them, for those who work 2-3 jobs to feed their children, for those who are sick and can't pick up a paint brush. give your talent to others freely, create beautiful things for all those people. it's not selfish. what is selfish is not reaching our full potential, not taking every opportunity to be the best that we can be.
    i'm saying as much to myself as i am you and anyone else reading this...

    so from here on out, lets try to remind ourselves of how blessed we are, not how selfish we are. you are an amazing woman and what you do really matters...your beauty has been sent all over the world, how cool are you? muah soul sister!!

  24. You go, girl! You know you are on the right track, you can feel it in your heart.
    Love your photos, as always.

  25. Aw, those most certainly aren't old 'friends.' they sound more like bad boyfriends! ;) gotta kick 'em to the curb! My thinking is, we only get this one life. Make it the one you want to live!~

  26. Hey, we boys have hormones too--don't we? A few anyway? When you finally get past yours, I can but hope that you will do better than my good wife who is on her tenth year, more or less, of hot flashes that come a few times an hour all day, everyday.

    Your photos are beautiful.

  27. I only felt that way during menopause, but that's over now, so I'm fine! Hope it all works out for you, Silke, you're much too pretty to have those negative feelings...kick up your heels and dance, girl! Look around yourself and you'll realized that you have a wonderful life (compared to many!)

    With Love,
    Doris and Gizzy

  28. great post Silke
    can't wait to see where your new ideas take you
    and where they take us via the blog

  29. Ah Silke, you are fine. I don't really have any words of wisdom. These things sort out for themselves in a good way.

  30. This is one of the most important posts I have ever read. It is soo elegantly put. It is so perfectly questioned and resolved. Friend, I understand these feelings sooo much. I want you to know that what you do in your art is part of why you are you. You aid the world with your beauty, just as you noticed with all the paintings chosen by such admirers as myself! you are a treasure. Thank goodness the doubts don't stay long. I am glad to know your spirit friend. Blessings.

  31. I think that I have said those same things to myself many times. You do beautiful work Silke