Wednesday, April 9, 2014

Permission Granted!

The photos have nothing to do with the blog post, but they are pretty! All from our recent cruise and taken in Costa Rica. It rained profusely and it was gorgeous!! A place I'd love to visit again... 

Yesterday I came across this blog post from Leonie Lawson entitled “You have permission.” I started reading it and halfway through I found myself breathing a sigh of relief. And I was stunned. Someone else was giving me permission to be who I am and I felt relief. That really made me think. 
If you know me personally, you know that I am somewhat tightly wound internally. I may seem relaxed on the outside, but I’m rarely relaxed in my mind. Somewhere along my life’s road I have picked up that strange notion that I need to be a certain way for others to approve and for them to know that I am doing well.
I was thinking back to when that started and I think the origin lies in those years after I left Germany to study in the US. I was very young and naive and I know that some among my family and friends were worried and doubtful that I would make it. Nobody said so, but I did get that feeling. Plus, I wasn’t so sure myself.
And because my family was worried and communication then wasn’t what it is now (the occasional phone call and real letters!), it was important to me to stress in those communications how well I was doing all the time. When I’d go back to visit, it was important to me to still be the same old Silke that they knew and to look good and be happy.
If I had problems I would share them with Daniel and friends, but hardly ever with my family as I didn’t want them to worry. I would pick and choose what I’d share. I’d pick and choose which people got to see which part of me. And I still do that today almost 30 years later!
I seem to be a very even person on the outside, but on the inside I am one of the most emotional people I know. I don’t listen to just any music (or much music at all), as I find it powerfully affects my emotions. The same goes for movies I watch, TV shows, books I read and people I spend time with. I am an emotional sponge and I soak it all in if I'm not careful. Even when I watch a TV show, I deeply feel for the characters and often I can’t stand it. And often I can’t help it. The same when I meet a person and I'm not careful - I know instantly how they are feeling. I don't just know it, I feel it. Over the years I have learned that that makes me an empath - and most of the time it’s not fun!
I am a very spiritually oriented person, I have witnessed real magic and I believe in angels - always have! My dreams at night often are amazingly real and at times have been predictive. I am really fascinated by everything invisible to the eye. Yet, those people around me who prefer the practical me don’t ever see that side. I’ve become excellent at compartmentalizing and trying to be the person that everyone is most comfortable with. 

Except of course Daniel - he knows all of me…  And a handful of others in my family and among my friends, who know most of "crazy" me.
I find that living this way is exhausting! Always censoring what I share and with whom I share it gets really old after so many years. It’s a hard habit to break, but I have every intention to do so. And those of you who so openly live who you are, are my inspiration!
I have decided to give myself permission to be who I am - fully and wholly and without apologies.

I give myself permission:

to believe what rings true to me
to share with an open heart
to create only what makes my heart light up
to love, love, love what I create
to be as great as I can be
to be as flawed as I am
to have a body that isn’t the same as it was when I was 20 or 30 or even 40
to celebrate my older and wiser self
to be good at some things and not so good at others
to feel great some days and not so great on other days
to not always look fantastic
to be productive some days and not on others
to be a couch potato when I need to be
to be inspired by many different things
to allow inspiration to take me to different places
to leave those things behind that no longer light me up
to not finish things if they don't need to be finished
to have days when I get nothing done
to be silly when I feel like it
to be an inspiration to others
to live up to my fullest potential
to shine brightly
to love deeply
to feel how I feel
to look how I look
to be who I am! 

With deep love and gratitude,



  1. Oh my Dear! I wish I could hug you! What a wonderful, wonderful post! So true. So true.

    For those of us, who know what it is like, to compartmentalize ourselves, and show one persona here, and another persona there... Depending on what one situation "expects" of us, and what another situation "expects" of us. -sigh-

    I love all your list of permissions. I want to adapt them, for/to myself. I need to do so!

    I'm in a "Oh I am not good enough in some way" mode. It's not a good place to be. It's silly. But it takes strength, to listen to inner Wisdom. And it takes someone else, saying that they too, have experienced like things... To encourage me.

    Thank you so much, for your encouragement! And I will visit Leonie Lawson's post, which you link to. Add it to the places I am seeking out now, to help and give me encouragement. And I'll tell her, you sent me, of course.

    Onward! We will drop all the ingrained silliness, from our lives! We will! One day at a time, if necessary.

    Again! Thank you. I need and am seeking out this sort of encouragement. And Synchronicity came through again. Here. From you.

    Gentle hugs,

  2. Great photos and post Silke. We all have many faces to fit in with our surroundings. All I can say is the older you get the more secure you feel about yourself. Annette x

  3. What a great post Silke. It was like reading about me! I knew there was a reason why you where the first one I met in Bloglandia. I have always felt a connection with you. Maybe it is the angelpart :) Have a great day and keep on being you, just the way you are: Beautiful on the inside and the outside! Hugs & Love A

  4. Oh Silke!!
    I love what you wrote and giving yourself permission to be who you are!!
    If everyone could not just say these things, but to also be able to do these things -- starting with myself!! What a wonderful life we all would have.
    I need to print off what you wrote and ponder all these emotions and thoughts and desires!!
    I know there are angels among us as well.
    Thank you for sharing!!
    BTW- your photos are lovely! I've always wanted to visit Costa Rico!!

  5. Breathing a sigh of relief myself. Thank you so much for sharing.

  6. Excellent news!! And I am proud of you. Print this out and put it somewhere where you will see it every day. Then stick with it! People are never fully happy until they love themselves, accept themselves, and reveal themselves. At that point, they are ready to share themselves. ♥♥

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  8. Liebe Silke,

    dem Lob hier schließe ich mich an.

    Alles Liebe

  9. Good luck, I hope you can do it.
    I also keep trying; but keep falling back into the same ruts. I guess because it is safer to only show people what they want to see and know about you.
    Very hard to break these old, old habits, not sure I ever will.

  10. It's hard to let go of the desire/need to please others but absolutely necessary in order to live an authentic life. Good for you -- go for it!

    Beautiful photos -- looks like such a fab trip.

  11. I love how raw and honest your post is. Most people need to learn to live this way and get over trying to please everyone but themselves. Myself included. I've have also been working on this. It's not the easiest thing in the world to do. But even the baby steps make you feel so much better. Trust me, you'll be a better person for it. You'll turn some people off, amd draw some to you when you start but it's then that you you find your true friends. Much love, enjoy your beautiful trip. Leigh

  12. Silke, my friend, from
    Dr Seuss:

    You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose. You're on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the one who'll decide where to go...

    Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.

  13. What a wonderful post, Silke. I don't think I will ever have the courage to be myself openly. I think that is why I love blogs and e-mails and postcards. I can say things about myself that I can't say in person. I shall be returning to this ppost. I shall copy your list and read it, again and again. And one day - who knows. Perhaps I'll be myself.

  14. Was für ein schöner Vogel. Aber gib zu, liebe Silke, den hast du doch komplett in den blauen Farbtopf gesteckt...

    Fröhliche Grüße


  15. I linked to this post... Today in my blog...

    Thank you...


  16. Silke this post brought tears to my eyes. Thank you for sharing such raw and honest feelings with us. Your words touched me in such a way that I felt as if you were writing about me too. I can totally relate to how you feel. As I read the list at the end I was nodding all the way through my tears as I would have a similar list had I written one.

    I am still and will always be grateful that you were the first person I met in blogland! I feel a kindred connection to you and it helps to know that I am not alone in my feelings.