Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Two days in the life of...

Well, this post is going to be somewhat all over the place as that is sort of where my mind is at right now. These last couple of days have been interesting. Good, a bit up and down, and definitely filled me with much thought, which I am sure will express itself creatively somehow.
Yesterday I had one of those super productive days where I crocheted, made another little poppy clutch (this one for my store -- sold already - might have to make more), went to the grocery store, the post office, cleaned house, and cooked a wonderful Moroccan meal in our tagine!!
Yet, by the evening I was feeling out of sorts a little. I had made cookies in the afternoon and ate a bit too much dough and felt kind of frumpy and unattractive. You know those niggling little thoughts that find their way in sometimes.
Anyway, I thought I'd look at a magazine before going to sleep, one that usually inspires me. But before I even got to anything mildly inspiring, there were about 10 ads for products to make me look beautiful and young. That sparked a flood of thoughts of "not-enoughness:" my skin is not smooth enough, my age spots not hidden enough, definitely not de-wrinkled enough, especially around the eyes; my stomach isn't flat enough; my muscles not toned enough; not enough exercise; not enough discipline - you know the list!
Not surprisingly, I woke up with thoughts of "not-enoughness" this morning, but not about me. Rather they were about not enough time, not enough done before class started, not enough mental prep for class, etc. Well, I put all that out of my mind and went to class.

My first etching class ever!
And there again - roller coaster all the way. During the safety walk and talk about the acids we'll be using, dangerous tools, the power of the printing presses, rosin that could ruin our lungs and such, I was convinced I had to quit immediately lest I get maimed, impaled, blinded or burn off my skin with acid.
But then my wonderful professor, Deb Oden, who is simply INSPIRING, talked with us about etching and printing. Her love for this process and the work that comes from it oozed from her to all of us. I felt inspired, I felt excited about learning this craft from someone who does not teach it the traditional way. She's having us learn the different steps, but then put them together in ways that inspire us.
She's having us write papers about what in life inspires us as artists. She's having us write three entries for art shows or exhibits or competitions. She's having us write a "I'd love you to love me" letter for something wonderful we want to do, like an internship or an artist in residency program somewhere.

So, you see a couple of days of little ups and downs.  After all of that I decided that I am out of the phase of my life where I have to look perfect and flawless with every hair in place and looking years younger than I am. So much time and resources spent on projecting a certain image. And to what end?

I am 45, my hair is silver, my face has laugh lines, my hands have age spots, I'm growing a pimple on my nose at the moment, my nails are not perfectly manicured ... and that's all ok!  I am proud I made it to 45 through a life that wasn't always easy, I now completely enjoy my life, I feel creative, I am healthy, I am happy, I get to love, I am loved, I get to learn how to etch, I am living exactly how I want to live and THAT's more important than anything!!

And THAT's what I wish for all of you!!! 


  1. What a WONDERFUL post!! I'm sure we ALL have those moments of "not enough"---it seems that they may even come more often as we get older! The media is so filled with very young, near anorexic women and women who must have nothing to do all day but work out!! What self absorbed lives they seem to live (I know that I'm judging them, which I try not to do but sometimes how can you not?!?!). I would like to age gracefully and embrace the PERSON I am on the inside and not spend a lot of time trying to "preserve" the outside!!! We women are so hard on ourselves sometimes! Pursuing creative interests and doing what you love make for a much happier and fulfilled life than looking like a model! But I understand completely what it's like to get into one of those funks where you just feel "not enough". This Artist's Way group I am in with Elena and Anne is so wonderful---we are all supporting each other and helping to keep the doubts at bay. I hope that you have supportive people in your life. And I think you are great, just as you are!!! By the way, I found a deep, deep discounted copy of "The Biology of Belief" at Borders yesterday! Needless to say I snatched it up!!! Take care and continue being YOU!!!

  2. Awwwww, Silke I love this post!!! I and so many of us can relate to how you feel. Thank you for sharing all of those feelings most would choose to keep to themselves. It is inspiring!! I got chills reading this post especially the last paragraph. xo

  3. Thank you for this post. It is so good to know that others feel the same way I do at times, yet somehow rise above it. I'm so glad you are accepting of life, it is truly a wonderful thing-the only thing we do have.

  4. It sounds like you're doing just fine...personally and creatively. I find that the real part of who I am is a reflection of my beliefs. Because of that it's not all about "me" all the time. It makes what I 'look like' take a back seat...a back seat without a steering wheel! LOL

  5. Beautiful post beautiful Silke. It is sad that society has made us believe we are not enough. That judges on the fragile outward appearances that will inevitably change. And what happens then to those poor souls who desperately try to maintain that facade? I think you are a beautiful woman with an equally beautiful interior. Mmmm like those candies with the yummy centers. Heehee! Your life sounds so magical. LOVE the photos and upcoming class.

  6. Thank you, all!! I love your comments and I know we all go through those same ups and downs. That just life, isn't it?! So much nicer though to go through it in this wonderful blogging community!!!! Hugs, Silke

  7. I LOVE this post-said so perfectly!

  8. What a lovely post. I enjoyed the video also.
    'you are exactly where you are meant to be'
    'you are enough'
    Kyles :D

  9. I have felt as you have oftentimes. Thanks for the empowering words, Silke!!!! :)